it happens mostly at night i've decided. i mean yeah, during the day i get depressed too. but its at nighttime when i wait till caryn falls asleep and sit here and bawl. i don't always have a reason to bawl, i just do. i hate it. i hate myself. and then i hate myself even more, cuz i find myself pushing away the one person that i don't want to push away. i am such a walking contradiction. i hate it. i hate feeling like this. its like something is eating at my heart. nothing can make me smile. i'm tired of feeling like this. i hate it. i can't deal with it anymore. i don't know what to do. i just can't take this feeling anymore. i'm tired of it. ad;lsfkjawelkrja;wlekrjaw;lerkjvawer. i'm out of words. i can't even express how much i hate myself when i act like this. but no matter what i do, i can't make it stop, i can't make it go away. and i don't understand. whats wrong with me??? good question.