in some ways, i'm not looking forward to going back to school. i know that all i've said all week long was that i want to get out of here and get back to canton. but i almost wish that i could just stay here. there's such a familiarity and safeness about being at home. and this is my home. people keep making comments like "when are you coming home" and such, asking about canton. its getting on my nerves. this is my home. i lived here from second grade until college. i still live here on breaks. this is where my family is. i may not like it all the time, i may not like my family all the time. and i'm never really going to live here ever again. but its still my home. that really scares me tho. i'm never going to LIVE here again. like for an extended period time. i'll be here on breaks, and part of the summer (and i probly won't work at camp again after this summer, so all of next summer. anyway...). but my moms told me more than once that i won't be living here after (if.... but thats another story) i graduate. i'm going to be on my own. i don't like that. sometimes, i wish i was still in high school. everything was so certain then.

i don't have time to finish this. i need to get to work. maybe i'll finish it tonight after work, maybe not. i've just been in a really crummy/depressed mood lately, and i don't know what to do. i don't know how to 'fix' myself. oh well. it doesn't matter, cuz i've learned to 'keep up appearances' and make everyone think that i'm fine.

off to McHell for the last time until may...