ok so random post....

its amazing to me how everything can be seeming to go completely wrong, and that i'm never going to be happy, and then all of a sudden all this [good] stuff happens.

i just got an email, and wow... i feel so much better about stuff. to know that i wasn't the only one that was hurting because we weren't talking. and some of the stuff that was said in the email... wow. as i said in a previous email, this isn't a friendship that i'm willing to give up on. we've been through too much stuff together, and we know too much about each other. this past weekend was awesome, getting to hang out again. hopefully, thats the start of our friendship (the re-start, rather).
and then of course, there are other happy things in my life. a certain reason that i haven't stopped grinning like an idiot all day long. its insane to me. it all happened so fast, but at the same time, it didn't. i feel like i've known janson forever. he knows so much more about me in the little over a week that we've been talking than most people find out about me in a lifetime. there's just something about him, the way he talks to me and the way he treats me, that makes me blindly trust him. no one has ever treated me the way he does. i feel like i actually matter when i'm with him. like all he wants is for me to be happy. i've never had that before. i don't know what to do with it. but i don't want it to go away. i hope this is the beginning of a long long long relationship.