i just feel like someone ripped my heart out and tore into little pieces. it hurts so bad. i want it to go away. i don't want to feel like this anymore. i've been laying in bed for the last 20 minutes trying to sleep, and i can't. my head is swirling with thoughts of "could i have done or said something to change this? is this really the end? what am i gonna tell this person or that person? what am i going to do?" i came to depend on him so much in the last few weeks. he was my rock through everything. i wanted to be there for him. i thought i was, but i guess i failed at that too. i didn't mean to be a jerk like i was. sometimes i don't realize how i'm coming across.
if there's ever anything i can do, i'll do it..... i'm such a dork. but i would make all the eye contact in the world. i would take back every negative thing i ever said about myself, and wouldn't say anything more. i wouldn't be a jerk anymore. i'd do anything...