Your Moulin Rouge Status: by pinkrobelover
Your Name:
Your deepest secret:	Nicole Kidman kissed you once
The Bohemian Ideal You hold true to most is:	Love
Your Job at the Moulin Rouge:	All around Slut
What the customers think:	You're kinky
Favorite Quote:	"I was made for lovin' you, baby, you were made for lovin' me!"
Created with quill18's MemeGen 2.0!

there. are we all happy now?? haha

lets play the 'tracey doesn't want to study!' game. lets go through all the music on my computer and find out how random i am....

10 Things I Hate About You sdtrk----------12 Stones
38th Parallel----------------------A Beautiful Mind sdtrk
All American Rejects----------------------All Star United
Anastasia sdtrk------------------------Audio Adrenaline
Beanbag------------------------------------Bebo Norman
Benjamin Gate--------------------------Big Tent Revival
Bleach---------------------------------Brave Saint Saturn
Burlap to Cashmere--------------------------------Cadet
Caedmon's Call-------------------------------The Calling
Carman------------------------------------------Clay Aiken
Coldplay-----------------------Dashboard Confessional
Delirious------------------------------------------Earthsuit
The Elms-----------------------------------------------Enya
Evanescence-----------------------------------------Eve 6
Five Iron Frenzy---------------------------------FM Static
Fono------------------------------Further Seems Forever
Gilmore Girls sdtrk-----------------------Good Charlotte
Hangnail--------------------------------------------Holland
Jake---------------------------------------------Jars of Clay
Jason Mraz------------------------Jekyll and Hyde sdtrk
John Reuben-----------------------Johnny Come Lately
Jon Penn--------------------------------------Josh Groban
Juliana Theory--------------------------Justin McRoberts
Justin Timberlake-------------------------------Kevin Max
Labyrinth sdtrk--------------------------------------LaRue
Last of the Mohican sdtrk
Lester Finn Experiment------------------------Lifehouse
Linkin Park-------------------------------All 3 LotR sdtrks
Luna Halo------------------------------------Mark Schultz
Mest---------------------------------------Michelle Branch
the first Moulin Rouge sdtrk--------------Nickel Creek
Norah Jones------------------------------OC Supertones
PAX217----------------------------------Phantom Planet
Philmore-----------------------------------------------Pillar
Plankeye------------------------------------------Plus One
Polarboy-----------------------------Princess Bride sdtrk
Rascal Flatts--------------------------------------Relient K
Robin Hood Prince of Thieves sdtrk
Sammy Ward------------------------------Scott Edwards
Seven Day Jesus-----------------------------Simple Plan
Skillet-------------------------------------------Smash-Ups
Something Corporate------------------------------Staple
The Starting Line------------------------------------Steve
Steve Wutz--------------------Steven Curtis Chapman
Story of the Year--------------------------------Sugarcult
Superchic[k]------------------------------------Switchfoot
Tait------------------------------------------------Third Day
Thousand Foot Krutch-------------------Titan A.E sdtrk
Tobymac----------------------Trans-Siberian Orchestra
Trapt-------------------------------------------------Tree63
U2---------------------------------------------------The W's
The Waiting------------------Walk to Remember sdtrk
Weezer---------------------------West Side Story sdtrk
World Wide Message Tribe--------------Xanadu sdtrk
Yellowcard

and thats not counting all the random songs that i have. those are just the cds on my computer... haha

ok so that was totally pointless. it was just fun. :)

we're allowed to pick one world civ paper to not write. i'm thinkin mine might be this one, cuz yeah... i've read this poem (white man's burden) about 6 times, and its just not clicking in my head. i was gonna write all of the papers, but i think i'm just not gonna write this one. hopefully the other ones will be easier...

its so nice outside!!!!!! but i'm stuck in this basement for 4 hours, ''working". all well...

just so you know, i like janson when he's tired. he's extremely random and hyper, and it cracks me up. i mean i like him anyway, but... :)

ok i have much work to do (world civ paper, personal finance worksheet, and 3 tests [world civ, crit and creat, and art and music] to study for), and i have a question to ponder so that i will be forever loved... :)

haha i forgot about how a good chunk of our time was spent last night until i read ali's comment.

we spent like an hour reading through quizzes and answering the questions for each other. we were pretty good at it. between the two of them, they definitely know me really well. :) i love MY alialiali and petes kelli!

so i spent the night at kelli's last night with ali. good times. much fun-ness. and quotes that i can't remember... i'm just gonna copy/paste from kelli's xanga..

haha when kelli is tired and when she drinks a double espresso thingy before bed, she talks a LOT... this is last night's conversation....

kelli: blah blah blah blah blah blah....

ali: shut up

me: blah blah blah blah.....

tracey: wow! im really awake! blah blah blah... (i was really tired, i fell asleep for half an hour, and then when i woke up i felt really awake all of a sudden)

ali: i have two fists and i am in the middle!

ali: you know what i think?

--dead silence--

kelli: if i open my mouth you're gonna hit me.

ali: how did you know!?!?! --much laughter ensued--



"if you have strep, i hate you"
-me to ali as we all switched tubs of ben&jerrys


yeah it was a good time. kelli and i definitely didn't get up till like 12:45 today. it was beautiful. :) and then i had pizza and ben and jerrys for breakfast. and i haven't eaten since then, cuz i ate so freaking much last night. lol.

the family was here for a bit. they just dropped off some stuff, and then left. they were here for like 45 minutes. i basically did nothing the rest of the day. i watched mr. bean, lol. thats about it. i should clean up more, but i don't feel like it. jansons coming over in a bit. :)

i spent so freaking much money tonight!!!! wow... but it was a good time! we went to marcs, wal-mart, and target. i ended up buying stuff for myself (like almost famous, cuz i love that movie). yeah... now i have a really bad headache. i'm supposed to go to kelli's tonight, but i feel like crap. i'm hoping they'll settle for coming here for a bit, and then leaving me alone. cuz i don't feel very good at all....

grrrrrrrrrr my IM won't let me back on. i'll flip....

ok now for real, off shopping with lisa and krystian! :)

woohoo for good afternoons!!
after world civ 2, i went to jami's room to watch moulin rouge with her and caryn. then caryn and i came back here and totally changed our room. we un-bunked our beds (yay for tracey!! lol), and yeah. i like it. :) there's less space, but all well. its still good stuff.

i'm supposed to go shopping later. i'm just waiting for lisa to stop by. they're here! bye all! lol

ok so i really should stop spending money... but i couldn't help myself. i just bought the latest train cd (my private nation) on half.com.... at least it was cheap!! now all i have to do is buy the first one (train) and the second one (drops of jupiter).... :)

you don't know how much you do for me. you make me so insanely happy, i think i must grin stupidly the entire time i'm with you. i love you, no matter what. just know that. :)


ok now at 4:30, i'm crawling into bed.... haha

things i've done so far:
gone to the bank
gone to starbucks
ordered my RK purse
rewrote my english paper
put on my laundry pants (the peach plaid ones that i wear when i'm washing my clothes haha)
made my clothes clean
things i'm doing or going to do:
making my clean clothes be dry
take a shower
start my world civ paper
start studying for midterms

i'm feeling strangely motivated today. but that motivation is wearing away.... lol

i just ordered one of these. i shouldn't have, it costs money and all that... but i'm a dork and so i did...

i went to the bank!! go me!! the ladies at my bank are so nice. :) and then i rewarded myself with a trip to starbucks, cuz i wanted it. lol. i saw friends!! i talked to taylor outside starbucks, and he was meeting lavern so i saw lavern too. and kelli was there (duh! lol), and then poochie came in as i was leaving. it was happy. now i think i'm going to start my laundry, cuz i got quarters!! :)

listening to something corporate right now. liking it a lot. i think they're one of the bands that tkach used to play for me at work? anyway. yeah. i need to get some freaking motivation and drive the 5 minutes over to the bank, but i'm just not feeling it. i owe lydia $10 from the concert (dinner and the cd she bought me), and i owe heather like $6 for subway last week or whenever that was. i'm also owed $4 from sarah and meghan for their scarves. its not a huge deal tho. but yeah, i really should go over to the bank. then i'd actually have some cash and wouldn't feel quite so broke. i gave my change to the one voice gospel choir yesterday, so i have absolutely NO MONEY on me right now. except for my debit card/check book, of course. but yeah.... always a good feeling. it brings up thoughts like "hmmm the laundry machines don't take checks..." i might have to give in and take my laundry to jansons on saturday, although i feel like a bum doing that.

tonight is celebration. ali's coming over before. kelli's coming. i hope sara is. and ox probly is, he usually does. and then i'm going to jansons. yay!! and after that, i'm gonna go to kelli's cuz she's lonely in her house by herself, lol. i'll probly spend the night over there and come back here in time for my 12 o clock tomorrow. oh that reminds me!! i definitely have a paper to rewrite for that class, since matt hawks tore mine apart... haha. ok i'm off to be motivated and fix my paper. and maybe go to the bank, we'll see... i think i'm going to.

andrew: lol.. ya know that verse in the Bible that says something about "it's better to live on the corner of the roof than in a house with a quarellsome wife"... in this case it'd be mother of course

me: i am bored
andrew eades: hence your screenname
me: well yeah
me: but you should amuse me
me: so i am no longer bored
me: :-)
andrew: oh.. yeah I see how it is.. people use me like a puppet... they hang me by a string and say... "amuse me" and so... I... being a puppet.. must obey... is that it?? or is it like.. I'm one've those dolls that if you pull a string he talks?? So if you want a laugh all you have to do it pull the string?

i think that anyone with the last name eades must magically be cool or something. :)

awww.... girls night out should happen more often.
i just got back from seeing mona lisa smile with cass, duff, and ess (aka cassie, meghan, and esther). it was a good time. the movie was good. i'd heard a lot of different things from a lot of different people, so i didn't know what to expect. but it was a good time. :) we're gonna go see chasing liberty next wednesday. i love my friends. :)

oh and i have a hearing problem. i thought that esther told me she was going to florida with eric, when really she said she's going with the track team. and when cassie said soup kitchen, i thought she said janson.... haha. yeah. maybe my body is just falling apart. wouldn't that be great? lol.

i think jansons gonna come hang out with me at work. i'm excited. a good end to a good day. :)

Heart of Crystal


What is Your Heart REALLY Made of?
brought to you by Quizilla

eligibilitydude: you have more classes today
relientkbandgeek: yeah one at 2. i can't skip it, cuz i skipped it on monday
relientkbandgeek: lol
eligibilitydude: anything exciting?
relientkbandgeek: world civ 2
relientkbandgeek: blech
relientkbandgeek: lol
eligibilitydude: haha
eligibilitydude: tell the teacher i said to mke it interesting
relientkbandgeek: haha ok. "mr. miller, my friend jon said class has to be interesting"
eligibilitydude: yeah, that'll work
eligibilitydude: except say, "My super-cool and awesome friend Jon says..."
relientkbandgeek: oh ok, i'll make sure to say that :-)

monogram1: you make me laugh
monogram1: you are such a blog whore... you always have like 5 posts to my one
relientkbandgeek: i can't help it!!!
monogram1: :-)
monogram1: it makes me smile

lollipop...spatula...careless...rollercoaster...kidron, oh...horses...corsets...cars...lollipop...carelessly...carelessly cautious...cautiously careless...spatula...lollipop!!!
"i don't have an imagination, i'm mennonite!"
"her brains spilled all over the dark street!"
"i don't like it being so quiet." "the quiet makes me laugh."

good times in comp 2. i gotta sit up with ryan reno and matt more often. they make me laugh. ryan and i had a good time today. i like laughing :)

lets play the 25 song game again. that was fun. and i'm bored.

1. The Rocket Summer - Cross My Heart
2. Bleach - All That's Sweet
3. Coldplay - Highspeed
4. Good Charlotte - The Day That I Died (acoustic-ish version)
5. John Reuben - Hindsight
6. Kevin Max - I Don't Belong
7. Avril Lavigne - Unwanted
8. Mark Schultz - Legend of McBride
9. Pillar - Indivisible
10. Tait - Altars
11. Supertones - In Between
12. Josh Groban - Broken Vow (live)
13. Justin McRoberts - With Your Eyes
14. Elastica - Car Song (from Gilmore Girls soundtrack)
15. Robin Hood Prince of Thieves soundtrack - Maid Marian
16. David Bowie - Magic Dance (Labyrinth soundtrack)
17. All Star United - International Anthem
18. Brave Saint Saturn - Data Stream One
19. Caedmon's Call - Faith My Eyes
20. Bebo Norman - Great Light of the World
21. Relient K - Failure to Excommunicate
22. FIF - That's How the Story Ends
23. Nelly, Puff Daddy, and Murphy Lee - Shake Your Tailfeather (haha...)
24. Rascal Flatts - Some Say
25. Audio Adrenaline - Underdog

i'm giving up pop for lent.

Then Janson said: here is your schedule to be over here until:
Then Janson said: Monday- midnight
Then Janson said: Tuesday- 1:00
Then Janson said: Wednesday- midnight
Then Janson said: Thursday- 3:00
Then Janson said: Friday- whenever
Then Janson said: Saturday- whenever
Then Janson said: Sunday- 1:00

are you all happy? no more staying out until all hours of the night for me. :)

i love you.

so jami, meag, caryn and i have spent the last 15 minutes or so prank calling each other. its freaking hilarious.

i really do love/appreciate roger. we had a really good talk tonight. i wasn't sure what to expect, but yeah... some stuff was said that i won't ever forget. roger and i have been through a lot, but our friendship has stayed intact. there was one thing that he said that will stick in my mind forever. i saw him the night that janson broke up with me the first time. he walked me to the write place because i didn't know where it was. he said that i was a walking zombie, and i threatened suicide. he said he didn't sleep at all that night. to be honest, i don't remember the suicide part. i don't remember a lot of that night, or most of the days and nights to follow. but the fact that he cares that much... that means a lot to me. roger is a good friend, and i love him.

i hate being creeped out. from like 7-7:30 at work, though, i was definitely creeped out. some random person started IMing me telling me they were my 'secret admirerer' and they liked my glasses and stuff. it was ok for the first 10 minutes or so, but then it started getting really creepy. i didn't even want to leave work, cuz i didn't want to walk in the dark. all well. hopefully they don't have my regular screen name...

now for some gilmore girls. that makes it better. :)

i'm gonna go to germany to bible college with travis next semester. i wish... how awesome would that be??? i've never been outta the country. to spend a whole semester in germany would be so freaking awesome!!! i mean i would miss everyone a lot, but a semester in germany.... *if only*

my hair is getting really long. i can't decide if i like it or not. i know that other people like it long tho, so i'll probly let it keep growing.... :) i might dye it over break, just cuz its been like a year and a half since the last time i dyed my hair. nothing as extreme as i used to, tho. i'm thinking maybe just a lighter shade of brown. or red highlights like i used to do. :) we'll see.

so i love it when i'm not happy, and then friends make me laugh... traves (travis, lol. i just spell his name wrong cuz he did it to me one time) makes me laugh a lot.

t boredatwork y: i want you guys to meet each other
Tmanlivin4God: lol would we like eachother?
t boredatwork y: i don't see why not
t boredatwork y: and if not, i'll make you
Tmanlivin4God: haha
Tmanlivin4God: make us huh?
Tmanlivin4God: i'm stubburn though
t boredatwork y: cuz i can't have 2 of the people that i'm closest to not getting along
Tmanlivin4God: what if i dont wanna
t boredatwork y: i'm stubborner
Tmanlivin4God: good point
t boredatwork y: and you know it
Tmanlivin4God: i think we will like eachother
t boredatwork y: i think so too. and if not....
t boredatwork y: :-)
Tmanlivin4God: i'm stubburner dont deny it
Tmanlivin4God: i'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburneri'm stubburner
t boredatwork y: no you're not!! i am!!!!!!!!!
t boredatwork y: i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am i am

i definitely think i am. lets take a poll. who is more stubborn. tracey or travis?

my eyelids don't want to stay open. my head has never hurt this bad. and yet, i refuse to go to bed... i'm not giving in to my body any more. it needs to learn to take it like a man!!

Favorite
[ food ] i'm in a chinese mood these days. but i still love chex mix :)
[ drink ] 2% milk
[ color ] orange
[ album ] it changes like every day
[ shoes ] flip flops
[ candy ] sour patch kids
[ animal ] pigs
[ TV show ] gilmore girls
[ movie ] princess bride
[ dance ] or not
[ song ] a lot
[ vegetable ] brocolli
[ fruit ] peaches
[ cartoon ] i don't really watch cartoons :(

Are you
[ understanding ] i try to be
[ open-minded ] try to be
[ arrogant ] try not to be
[ interesting ] probly not. i tell a lot of random stories that no one cares about, haha.
[ random] most of the time
[ hungry ] no, i just ate. it was a chinese lunch!! woohoo!!! and i didn't have to eat by myself, joe finch sat with me while i ate! :)
[ friendly ] yeah
[ smart ] no
[ moody ] yes
[ childish ] yes
[ independent ] sometimes
[ hard working ] not really
[ organized ] not at all
[ healthy ] no. i either don't eat, or i eat crap. lol
[ emotionally stable] not at all
[ shy ] sometimes
[ difficult ] yeah
[ attractive ] no
[ bored easily ] yes, but also amused easily
[ messy ] very
[ thirsty ] not really
[ responsible ] when i have to be, yes. like at camp, i'm definitely a responsible counselor.
[ obsessed ] with joshy!! :)
[ angry ] no
[ sad ] yeah
[ happy ] yeah
[ hyper ] no i'm too tired to be hyper
[ trusting ] depends
[ talkative ] i'm in the dorm by myself, so no
[ legal ] to smoke. haha.

Who do you want to
[ kill ] THE GROBANITES!!
[ slap ] no one
[ get really wasted with ] what would people do if i got really wasted? i think i wouldn't have to worry about it, cuz like 12 people would kill me if i did
[ get high with ] or not
[ tickle] i hate being tickled!! but liz definitely has the best reaction be tickled "i'll pee i promise!!!" and then she gets up and runs to the bathroom
[ kiss ] janson
[ look like ] no one
[ talk to offline ] anyone
[ talk to online ] no one's on. everyone has away messages.

name 4 bad habits you have:
1. procrastinating
2. biting my nails
3. being a jerk
4. reading into things

name 4 things you wish you had:
1. a car that never had problems and lasted forever :)
2. my best friend back.
3. more motivation
4. more sleep

name 2 scents you love:
1. jansons cologne
2. the camp smell

name 4 things you are thinking about:
1. i'm freaking tired
2. my head hurts
3. tonight's 'meeting' with roger
4. janson

name 4 things you've done today:
1. gone to 2 classes
2. been at work for awhile
3. wished that i'd eaten breakfast
4. peed

name the last 4 things you bought:
1. me and ali's subs at subway in west liberty
2. ticket to see sara at west side story
3. carmel machiatto (sp?) from starbucks
4. spent quarters in the washing machine

name 4 drinks you regularly drink:
1. 2% milk
2. water
3. pepsi
4. coke




First best friend: amber bradley when i lived in van wert
First real memory of something: getting sick from reading in the car
First meaningful kiss: a month or so ago?
First breakup: nathan capps
First Job: mcdonalds (coughcoughi'maloseristillworktherecoughcough)
First screen name: chzoop
First self-purchased album: ummm..... i'm thinking amy grant or something gay like that haha
First funeral: i don't remember
First pet: my cat hobo
First credit card: i don't have one
First true love: janson
First enemy: don't remember
First big trip: south carolina back in the day
Last big car ride: me and ali's road trip to bellefontaine on sunday :)
Last kiss: last night
Last good cry: 2 nights ago
Last library book: neverending story over christmas break
Last movie: loser
Last beverage consumed: water
Last food eaten: fruit loops last night at jansons
Last crush: josh groban, duh! :)
Last phone call: ummmm.... i called kelli last night. i don't remember the last time someone called me
Last tv show: MXC marathon yesterday while jami and i were talking
Last shower: last night
Last shoes: orange chucks
Last cd played: josh groban-closer
Last item bought: subway
Last annoyance: waking up after 3 and a half hours of sleep
Last soda: pepsi
Last ice cream: whatever reno was eating yesterday at lunch that i stuck my finger in
Last time scolded: every time i leave for jansons from tessa :)
Last shirt worn: 2003 camp staff shirt

[ current clothes ] jeans, 2003 staff shirt, scarf (NOT the grandma curtain scarf)
[ current mood ] not good, but not bad. just kinda blah
[ current music ] none i'm in the computer lab
[ current taste ] nothing (i'm hungry tho)
[ current hair ] half down half pulled back, i'm trying something different today lol
[ current annoyance ] having class in 15 minutes, and my head hurts
[ current smell ] my scarf. i think it needs a bath.
[ current thing I ought to be doing ] reading luke 1-7 for the quiz i have on it in 15 minutes
[ current desktop picture ] i think its yellowcard still
[ current favorite group] current? probly yellowcard
[ current book you're reading] artemis fowl eternity code. haha i am a loser....
[ current CD in CD player] in my car its josh groban. in my winamp, i think i was listening to the first moulin rouge soundtrack that i borrowed from matt hawks
[ current color of toenails ] clear
[ current refreshment ] knowing that in an hour and a half, i'll be done with classes. then i can eat and then go back to bed.
[ current worry ] my mom being mad about me not going this weekend

Last person
[ you touched ] janson
[you talked to ] david (the magician! haha) cuz we always talk during crit and creat
[ you hugged ] janson
[ you instant messaged ] umm... it was before i went to bed, so janson
[ you yelled at ] caryn for not wearing a coat
[ you kissed ] janson


there's more, but i have to go to class.....

ok so i know i have like blog ADD and i change this all the time.... haha

comments... too girly? cuz i don't want it to be girly, i just love moulin rouge.

ok back to talking about yesterday.....

we hung around and talked at the church for a bit. i saw a few campers, so that was fun! i also saw lyle blaker, but i doubt he'd know who i was so i didn't say anything to him. if you know david lantz, then this will be funny to you: ali and david were 'picking' on me, so i moved and sat at the back of the sanctuary by myself. david came back, and for a sec i thought he was gonna sit on my lap, and i told him that, so he sat on my lap. it was hilarious, i wish i had a picture of that.

ok so i started reading old posts and got distracted... i promise i'll finish later....

yayayay for freaking awesome good days!!!!
the alarm went off at 5:45 this morning. i said no and slept until like 6:15, with frequent alarm clock interruptions. i left at like 6:30, and got to ali's right at 7. we left her house around 7:15. we won't say how long it took us to get down to bellefontaine, cuz it most definitely broke all laws of speed and such. wow... haha. we got to mel's just a little late, so we pretty much just jumped in her car and went to david's church. i had to pee so bad.... haha. so we got to his church (mechanicsburg christian fellowship) and i peed. and then we went in and sat down. it was so hilariously funny to be able to see david doing his sound-techinician-y stuff, and to know that he had no idea we were there. ali and i went up to him after the service and he said he'd just noticed us like 10 minutes earlier (scorn on not getting to see the look on his face!!!!!!!)

ok i'm freaking falling asleep at the keyboard. i think i almost fell asleep at the wheel on the way home from jansons tonight. i'm running on like 2 hours of sleep. i'm going to bed. after i study a bit more.....

my family cracks me up a lot. i know at times i hate them, but don't we all??
i called home today cuz my dad needed something cuz he was doing my taxes, and i ended up talking to my brother, dad, and mom. then i called my grandparents to thank my grandma for the check that she sent me last week, and it was so funny. my grandma and grandpa are leaving for las vegas earlier today, so we talked about that and della's memorial service next weekend. (i don't know if i'm going to that or not, i can't decide....) at the end, i was like "well don't spend too much money in vegas." grandma said "don't tell me that, tell your grandfather!!" and i heard my grandpa yell in the background "tell her to save her money while she's young!!!!!" and it just cracked me up. i love my grandparents!! :)

convo highlights....
MichaelT85: i just got back from having my ears removed
relientkbandgeek: what??
relientkbandgeek: lol
MichaelT85: and replaced with antennas
relientkbandgeek: ummmm..... ok???
relientkbandgeek: lol
MichaelT85: oh its true
relientkbandgeek: ok... suuuure
relientkbandgeek: lol
MichaelT85: im tired
relientkbandgeek: i can tell
relientkbandgeek: haha
MichaelT85: why is this
MichaelT85: and who are you telling anyway?
relientkbandgeek: ummmm point in case right there
relientkbandgeek: lol
MichaelT85: life is like a elephant
MichaelT85: i really like working at circuit city
MichaelT85: its fun
relientkbandgeek: how is life like an elephant?
MichaelT85: oh, it isn't
MichaelT85: but man, would it be funny if it was
relientkbandgeek: mike... if i didn't know you better, i'd ask if you were drunk
relientkbandgeek: lol
MichaelT85: tracey, if i didnt know you better, i probably wouldnt know you
relientkbandgeek: brilliant observation mike
relientkbandgeek: :)
MichaelT85: thanks
MichaelT85: it took all day for me to realize it, however
relientkbandgeek: good job
MichaelT85: yeah, i couldnt concentrate at work even
MichaelT85: i just kept thinking...man, what would life be like if i didn't know tracey better?
MichaelT85: would it be worse?
MichaelT85: would it be like a life without tracey or something?
MichaelT85: i wonder when the next harry potter movie is coming out?
MichaelT85: and what would tracey think if i didn't know her better?
relientkbandgeek: mike.. you need a life
relientkbandgeek: haha

sara my love tore up the stage in west side story!! owowowow!!!! :)

lets play a fun game!! its called... what else can go wrong in tracey's life?!?!

if i can't come back here next year, if i have to stay home and work..... i don't think anything else could suck that bad....

Stolen from Reno

--> Open your media player.
--> Put your music on random.
--> Write down the first 25 songs it plays-- No matter how embarrassing!

1. LaRue - Everything
2. Bebo Norman - Beautiful You
3. John Reuben - Doin'
4. Supertones - Brand New Thing
5. Five Iron Frenzy - Eulogy
6. Lifehouse - The Beginning
7. Yellowcard - Ocean Avenue
8. Caedmon's Call - Only Hope
9. Hangnail - Wrong is Wrong
10. Weezer - Getchoo
11. Michael Jackson - Heal the World
12. Delirious - August 30th
13. Cadet - Nobody
14. Eve 6 - On the Roof Again
15. Staple - Beautiful
16. Dashboard Confessional - For You to Notice
17. West Side Story - The Rumble
18. Jars of Clay - Liquid
19. Pillar - Something Real
20. Relient K - For the Band
21. The W's - Bully Go Home
22. World Wide Message Tribe - We Talk to the Lord
23. Relient K - I Celebrate the Day
24. Good Charlotte - Riot Girl
25. Josh Groban - All'improvviso Amore



ok i'm going to bed now. its 6:20 AM. haha. way to go tracey!! its ok. i love my boyfriend. he's worth it. :)

"he doesn't care. he's making pizza and you're not going to get any!!"
-lydia

"where's janson?"
-lydia
"making pizza for his brothers."
-me
"are you gonna get some?"
-lydia
"......."
-me
"i meant pizza!!!!"
-lydia
"i know"
-me

ok so maybe you had to be there.... but i thought it was darn funny... :)

my paper is done my paper is done my paper is done!!! :) :)

janson came out here for awhile tonight. it made me so happy! he told me he wasn't feeling well and he was going to bed, and then next thing i know he's standing next to me at work. i was so surprised!! he made my night awesome. i know i was a crab cuz i'm still running on two and a half hours of sleep, but yeah.... i love him :)

monogram1 (9:18:32 PM): just because you don't have a reason doesn't mean you're not allowed to be mad
t boredatwork y (9:18:49 PM): just cuz my heart is a pansy
t boredatwork y (9:18:50 PM): lol
monogram1 (9:19:02 PM): i have the same complex in reverse... i have plenty of reasons to be sad and mad and depressed... but i still don't think i have a reason to feel this way.
monogram1 (9:19:13 PM): and it's cuz my heart wants to pretend that it's not a pansy
monogram1 (9:19:22 PM): :-)
t boredatwork y (9:19:45 PM): my heart is a pansy
t boredatwork y (9:19:48 PM): but my brain isn't
t boredatwork y (9:19:54 PM): and it just doesn't work
t boredatwork y (9:19:54 PM): lol
monogram1 (9:19:57 PM): and then they fight
monogram1 (9:19:57 PM): !
t boredatwork y (9:20:18 PM): exactly!
t boredatwork y (9:20:22 PM): like i know how i SHOULD feel
t boredatwork y (9:20:25 PM): but i can't make myself feel that way
monogram1 (9:20:35 PM): yeah
monogram1 (9:20:40 PM): i completely understand
monogram1 (9:20:42 PM): only in reverse
monogram1 (9:20:43 PM): :-)


without ali, i would be dead. just so you know.

yay!!! i have a song of the week now. thanks reno!! :)

meagan gave me that song (stigmatized by the calling) last week. it made me cry when i heard it. things are different now (it doesn't make me cry) and i just really love it!

leave me comments. does it work and such?

awww i just spent like 45 minutes looking at pictures. i found a box of pictures under my desk. awwwwwwwwwww. :) i love pictures. especially ones that make me smile. and these ones made me smile. :)

i love you all. i do. but i'm a little pissed right now. we told sara we'd go to her play on friday. so why am i the only still going? i don't even know where the high school is. and i don't really want to go by myself. but i guess i don't have a choice, now, do i?

monogram1: hey i watched our show last night
monogram1: it was gooooooooood
relientkbandgeek: as in Godspell?
monogram1: ox was really amused by us talking to each other through him
monogram1: no no silly OUR show OUR=me and you
relientkbandgeek: oooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh
relientkbandgeek: THAT show
relientkbandgeek: :-)
monogram1: lol
relientkbandgeek: it was a goooooood show
monogram1: yeha
relientkbandgeek: did you see the previews for next week?!?!?!
monogram1: i like when i try to type yeah and instead my one finger is faster than the other and i say yeha
relientkbandgeek: haha
monogram1: no... what's gonna happen?!?!?!
relientkbandgeek: something about dean standing there talking to luke, and then he sees rory and just stops talking
relientkbandgeek: or something
relientkbandgeek: it just looks good
monogram1: yay!
monogram1: divorce what's her name!
relientkbandgeek: i know it!
monogram1: save rory from jess!
relientkbandgeek: amen!!
monogram1: make it into a soap opera!
monogram1: lol
relientkbandgeek: yay!!!
monogram1: :-)
monogram1: that is so going into my blog
relientkbandgeek: are you getting coffee before class today?
relientkbandgeek: mine too
monogram1: ummm....
monogram1: yeah i think i will get coffee
relientkbandgeek: ok then you have 10 minutes till classy
monogram1: :-) I love you
relientkbandgeek: i know you do

i should take a nap. i slept for about 2 hours and 45 minutes last night. lol. i had every intention of taking a nap in between classes right now, but then i started listening to yellowcard.... i think i'm in love. i love violins. and when added to already awesome music? i'm in love.... :) lol

ali dear... i love you, i do... but stop changing my weblog!! haha
i took some of them out, cuz it was getting ridiculously long. lol. i love you.

i definitely have to get up in less than 4 hours... but i'm helping janson make a blog, and its fun! :)

i think janson is my 'brain off' button. or at least he's a button that, when pressed, i have to be happy. its like impossible for me to not be happy around him!

i went over to his house for awhile tonight. i REALLY wanted off campus. we watched signs. that movie still creeps me out, lol. but it was fun.

i have so much fun with janson. he makes me smile so much!!!

asl;dkjfal;welkawl;dkfj

yup. thats about right.

if there was a 'brain off' button, i so would push it. that would be beautiful.

[edit at 5:48 PM]

the post that i had here no longer applies. so let me edit and write a new one. janson just drove over here to bring me some books that i'm borrowing from his mom (grisham!! yayayay!!!!!!) and my crochet hook that i left there last night. he was here for like 5 minutes. do you know how much i love that boy???? a lot. seriously. he drove over here, even tho he has stuff to do, just to bring me stuff. he puts a smile on my face. :)

i'm slacking on the grisham novels... lets see here....


A Time to Kill-read it, don't own it
The Firm-read it, own it in paperback
The Pelican Brief-read it, own it in paperback
The Client-read it, own it in paperback and hardcover
The Chamber-read it, don't own it
The Rainmaker-read it, don't own it
The Runaway Jury-read it, own it in paperback
The Partner-read it, david bought it for me, and then he kept it.... so i don't own it. lol
The Street Lawyer-read it, don't own it
The Testament-read it, own it in hardcover
The Brethren-read it, own it in paperback
A Painted House-read it, own it in paperback
Skipping Christmas-read it, don't own it
The Summons-read it, don't own it
King of Torts-haven't even read it :(
Bleachers-haven't even read it :(
The Last Juror-haven't even read it :(


i need a library. or a book store. or something. this is very sad.... who wants to go thrifting for grisham novels with me?!?!

you know you have too much time on your hands when you make an amazon.com wish list..... haha



does anyone else find this as highly exciting as i do???? probly not.. haha

i decided that i'm not going to work until 4. then i only have to work for 3 and a half hours.



i think i'm gonna like nickel creek a lot.



oh and i'm gonna start watching perfect proposal on tuesdays, thursdays, and fridays with cassie. yay! :)

so yeah.. reno can keep his $5, cuz i really don't feel like taking the time to post about the concert. lets sum up my weekend in a few sentences:

concert was awesome. newsong=really awesome in concert, although i wouldn't buy one of their cds. RK=pretty good. audio a=freaking awesome, as usual. ride back from concert was much fun. lydia learned lessons. :)
good surprises waiting in room when i got back. i love my boyfriend (yes, boyfriend again, for those of you who didn't know)
saturday=doing nothing and enjoying it, and going to jansons for like 11 hours lol
sunday=sleeping in, working, and then doing nothing cuz i hurt my knee and couldn't walk. it still hurts, but i can walk now. and i refuse to wear my knee brace, i hate it.
monday=cancelled comp 2 class, yay! turned in world civ paper. woohoo! dinner at kelli's, met virginia boy he is much fun!!! went to jansons, went to starbucks and had much much much fun, laughter, hyperness, and caffiene, and then back to jansons for awhile.
today=i skipped art and music and crit and creat and slept in. worked for an hour, took new testament test. got high B or low A, i'm guessing. ate lunch with friends. borrowed molly's nickel creek cd. now i'm gonna listen to it...

today is a very sad day, friends. i haven't seen my roommate all day. she was up before me (and i didn't even hear her at all, i was OUT cold), and then she was gone and now she's at field experience till 3. i work 3-4 and 5:30-7:30 tonight, but lydia asked me if i would work from 4-5:30 for her. so now i work 3-7:30. when i get back from work, caryn'll be in jami and meags room. SO that means i won't see my roomie until 9 PM, when christina and meredith watch one tree hill in here with us. *sigh* lol

i'm starting to like rascal flatts. yup. thats right. a country band.... its not my fault!!!!!!! i blame it entirely on my roommate and tessa. and esther. :)

ok i gotta keep studying for new testament.... although all i want to do is take a shower and then crawl back into bed. yay for bandanas that hide nasty hair until i have time to shower.... lol. but yeah, i can't wait to take a nap later on today....

i'm real tempted to spend money that i shouldn't..... but those moulin rouge soundtracks are looking reeeeeeally tempting..... CHRISTY STOP BEING A SLACKER AND MAIL ME THE BURNED COPIES SO I DON'T BUY THE CDS!!! lol

hahahaha erin milhoan most definitely has the words to milk and cereal in her weblog. thats awesome. check this out...

Milk And Cereal
by G. Love And Special Sauce
Milk and Cereal
Milk and Cereal
milk and cereal
Cereal and milk

Milk and Cereal
Cereal, Cereal
Milk and Cereal
Cereal and Milk, Cereal and Milk...

I dont want my Wheaties
Give 'em to the needy
Feelin kinda greedy
I keep em for myself (X9)

No Grapenuts for grandma
(grandma eats a bran muffin)
Mom likes Special K
You cant pinch an inch (X7)
They're magically delicious
Keep your hands off my Lucky charms
(pink hearts, yellow moons,blue diamonds, green clovers)
A is for Apple J is for Jack
You step on a crack
Youll break your moama's back
Rice Krispies
Blue Berries
Ooh Boo Berry

Milk and Cereal
Milk and Cereal
Milk and Cereal
Cereal and Milk
Milk and Cereal

Milk and Stereo
Cereal, Cereal
Milk and Cereal
Cereal and Milk
(Cheerio-eo-eo)

In the morning
At your table
Milk and Cereal
Snap Crackle Pop (X7)

Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs (X8)
Trix are for kids! (X11)

In the morning
At your table
(Milk and Cereal)

No Grapenuts for Grandma
Grandma eats a Bran Muffin

i've decided that i have two options....

1) get really rich so i can afford a knee surgery
2) amputate my right leg above the knee

lets take a poll. which one?

so ali took the test for me since when i took it, it didn't describe me at all. wow the one ali got for me is much better....

ISFJ
ISFJ other link

i'm glad that ali knows me better than i know me... haha



so yeah... my knee is really killing me. it hurts to walk. blech.

Your Type is
ESFP
Extroverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving
Strength of the preferences %
11 33 56 44


ESFP type description by D.Keirsey
ESFP type description by J. Butt



Qualitative analysis of your type formula

You are:
slightly expressed extrovert

moderately expressed sensing personality

moderately expressed feeling personality

moderately expressed perceiving personality


i am a feeler. :) what are you?

if i could convey in typing how much i just laughed, i would.
so ali most definitely has the password to this weblog (as do quite a few other people, cuz i freely hand out my password lol). she told me on the phone earlier today to look at my title. so i did. and i laughed. but i just now noticed the stuff that she put into my "likes" section.. check this out...
If you're here, then you most likely already know who I am. You know that I love Relient K, Josh Groban (but I AM NOT a Grobanite), Dashboard Confessional, 2% milk, Princess Bride, typing randomness on IM to express emotion (example: adlaksdjelk eslek), Chex Mix, Camp Luz, Sour Patch Kids (especially red ones), instrumental movie soundtracks, crocheting, Starbucks, Final Fantasy, MY Ali, The Sims, pigs, and the color orange. Among other things.
she makes me laugh a lot. i love MY ali. :)
ok now i have a few papers to write/start, and i also have to write about the concert so that reno will give me $5. haha. :)

oh wait quick tangent...
when i am 68, i'll be living on social security and looking back on my life and thinking "why am i still here? whats my point in life?? my entire life was a LIE!!!" and that won't be fixed by buying a million cats. (and all because i have two screen names; one for my mom and one for everyone else. and sometimes i tell my mom i'm going to bed or studying when i'm really not... lol) that knowledge, among other randomness that i can't remember right now (what else did he say sarah?? lol) is brought to you by ryan blodgett. he informed me of all this as we were eating lunch today. lol.

oh one more quick tangent--i tripped and fell as sarah and i were walking up the stairs to the cafeteria. my hands were in my coat pockets, so i pretty much just fell on my face. lol. it was nice. the only thing that hurts is my knee, and its killing me. ouch. i think i'm gonna have to start wearing my knee brace again, which sucks cuz i freaking hate it. but i can barely even walk right now. stairs are killers, cuz yeah... my knee hurts. if only i wasn't a freaking klutz!!

ok now to paper on mary woll..craft or something lol...

jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjacob
yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyoooooooooooooooooooooo
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuooooooooooooiiiii
iiiiiiiiiiikkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk9kkkkkkkk
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

utuuyyuthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
this post has been brought to you by jacob jacobsen, jansons little brother.

i know, i know, i'm a slacker!!! i PROMISE this'll get finished. i just don't feel like it... lol

my life = up down up down up down up down up down...........

right now is an up. cuz there's this boy, and he's wonderful.... :)

wooooooohooooooo!!!!!!!!

so we ('we' being lydia, kim, and i) left around 4ish. we stopped for food at a burger king somewhere along 77 (and had to backtrack like 3 miles to get back on 77, but thats another story, lol). i was car sick cuz i crocheted for awhile, but thats my fault.

you know, i'm too tired to do this right now. i'll finish it tomorrow sometime.

you know who i love? i love my roomie, and i love janson. just so you know. but you know what i don't love that they both love? nascar. i'm going to need friends during nascar season so i don't have to watch it!!! :)

definitely a good night. :)

good night. mostly. :)

alialiali came over before celebration, and we hung out.
then we went to celebration. i didn't really want to be there (you know, the whole a;sldkfj;alskdjGODla;skdf;jlawer thing), but I'm glad that friends made me stay. first of all, they read a verse that i've now heard 4 times this week. i don't know the exact words, but its something like 'delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.' so after 4 times, i think God's trying to tell me something... then they talked about happiness, and finding our happiness in God and not other things, like school or relationships or jobs or whatever. and then when we're happy in God, everything else will fall into place. so i'm just like yeah.... i think Someone's trying to tell me something....

then ali kelli and i went to taco bell for some food. i haven't eaten at taco bell in like 5 years. i haven't been missing out on much.... lol. but it was a good time. i love those two a lot. :)
so kelli brought me back here, and we had a wonderful car talk. its been way too long since we had one of those. we sat out in front of myers just talking for awhile. it was awesome.
and we also witnessed people driving on sidewalks. i love malone.... haha

the icky virusy/linky thingy is gone from my computer!!! or at least i think it is!!! WOOOOHOOO!!!!! thanks janson!!

yes i am a post whore these days.... mwahaha. (is that malone appropriate?? all well. just pretend i didn't say it..)

(stolen from reno's xanga)

last car ride: driving back from jansons on monday
last kiss: monday
last good cry: last night. i actually don't think i cried today!!
last movie seen: i don't know what it was called... it was on monday. and i think i slept through part of it or something.
last beverage drank: chocolate milk
last food consumed: strawberry shortcake at dinner
last crush: hmmm i wonder
last phone call: alialialiali earlier today
last tv show watched: full house
last time showered: last night (yes matt i DO shower!!)
last shoes worn: my old smelly skechers that i hardly ever wear cuz they stink
last cd played: my emo break up cd
last item bought: ummm..... hmmm... its been awhile... i think the last thing i bought was me and tim's lunch at steak n shake on saturday
last annoyance: my head hurting and the ibuprofen not working
last disappointment:
last soda drank: coke
last thing written: i wrote some stuff for english while i was at work
last word spoken: i like this song!!
last sleep: last night
last IM: joe finch
last weird encounter: last night and it sucked
last ice cream eaten: ummm.... i can't remember. thats kinda sad!
last time amused: talking to jordan earlier today. and at dinner. and my roomie is amusing
last time wanting to die: last week
last time in love: it didn't end
last underwear worn: under-what?? haha jk
last shirt worn: heidi's b-ball shirt and my switchfoot hoodie
last time dancing: i have no idea. prom??
last poster looked at: i have a relient k one!!
last show attended: we ATTEMPTED to go see skillet.. but it didn't work. but tomorrow night i'm going to see RELIENT K AND AUDIO ADRENALINE!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
last webpage visited: sarah's xanga

ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I ALMOST FORGOT!!!! guess what i got today?!?!?!?!?!?!?! thats right.... a ROSE!!!!!!!!!! i was talking to chrissy about how valentines day is gonna suck and such, and she was like "are you gonna be around in like 15 or 20 minutes?" i said yeah, and she left. i had no idea what she was doing. she comes back later with a ROSE FOR ME!!! i was so freaking excited!!! :) :) that made my day!!!! thank you so much chrissy!! i love you!!! :)

convo highlights!! you know you love them!!! lol

relientkbandgeek: i'm a loser, i know
USA2004Jordan: lol you're not a loser!!!!
relientkbandgeek: yes i am. admit it!!!!!!
USA2004Jordan: i won't!!
relientkbandgeek: i just made a cd full of emo songs about breaking up
relientkbandgeek: i am a loser
USA2004Jordan: lol
relientkbandgeek: see???
relientkbandgeek: :-)
USA2004Jordan: you're an awesome loser! ;-)
relientkbandgeek: hahahaha!! thanks jordan :-)

relientkbandgeek: i've been getting the best quotes during all of this
USA2004Jordan: lol see now? you have to go through the hard times so that your profile doesn't get old and boring, don't consider it breaking up consider it new material

USA2004Jordan: but if you're a loser i want to be one too!!
relientkbandgeek: you only be a loser if you make a cd full of songs that make you sad
relientkbandgeek: THEN you will be a true loser
USA2004Jordan: lol good to know
relientkbandgeek: oh and you have to learn to do something crafty
relientkbandgeek: like crochet
relientkbandgeek: i crochet all the time
relientkbandgeek: cuz i have nothing else to do these days
USA2004Jordan: lol that's sad
relientkbandgeek: i know... i have 4 scarves now!!!
relientkbandgeek: haha

ok so in honor of joe calling me emo, i made myself an emo break up cd.... haha check this out...

1. Could it be Any Harder - The Calling
2. Your Star - All-American Rejects
3. Why Worry - All-American Rejects
4. Too Far Gone - All-American Rejects
5. Drive Away - All-American Rejects
6. The Last Song - All-American Rejects
7. Overkill - Benjamin Gate
8. What Went Wrong - Blink 182
9. Binary - Brave Saint Saturn
10. The Brilliant Dance - Dashboard Confessional
11. Screaming Infidelities - Dashboard Confessional
12. This Ruined Puzzle - Dashboard Confessional
13. Saints and Sailors - Dashboard Confessional
14. Bend and Not Break - Dashboard Confessional
15. Ghost of a Good Thing - Dashboard Confessional
16. Several Ways to Die Trying - Dashboard Confessional
17. Living in Your Letters - Dashboard Confessional
18. Turpentine Chaser - Dashboard Confessional
19. Stigmatized - The Calling


yup. thats my latest cd. i don't know how much i'll actually listen to it, cuz it'll probly depress the heck outta me, haha. but its got good songs on it, and it was fun to make!

yes caryn and i are losers. we're playing the same cd on our computers (the calling-camino palmero), and we tried for like 2 minutes to get it timed perfectly so they're playing at the same time. it worked!!! haha.

i'm emo as F. in case you were wondering. joe finch informed me of that last night.

so i'm talking to ryan schultz online. ryan and i met at hocking hills camp ground in like 8th grade. we kept in touch really well for awhile after that, like a few years. but then we lost touch. i came across his webpage a few months ago, and got his new screen name. i had it on my buddy list for awhile and just didn't IM him. but then with this whole spammy/virusy thingy, we ended up talking.
so here's a revelation.... every time i see joe finch's roommate micah (which isn't very often), i think "he looks familiar. but i don't know why. all well i've probly just seen him around campus or something."
but then ryan and i are talking about the people that he knows that go to malone, and he says micah tedeschi (along with chad and meredith). i was like "i know chad and meredith, but not micah." and then it clicked. micah was at the campground with ryan. i met him too. i doubt he'd remember me, i just thought it was really random. lol. ok i'm going to bed now. but somehow, something that stupid made me smile and feel better. i'm such a dork.

i'm going to bed. RIP della :(

got another email from my mom. my aunt died this morning at 11:30. i'm not doing too well with the news....

mobster reno (11:15:46 PM): tissue pirate!

Auto response from t boredatwork y (11:15:46 PM): raiding the toilet paper supply in the bathroom cuz i don't have any tissues...

t boredatwork y (11:16:54 PM): i figure its better than using a hoodie sleeve or something
t boredatwork y (11:16:54 PM): lol
mobster reno (11:17:23 PM): i dunno, if you have a green or yellow hoodie, that would work
t boredatwork y (11:17:34 PM): nope its blue
mobster reno (11:18:26 PM): shucks, that wont work at all. better toilet paper it up!

everyone keeps saying "give it to God" or "let God hold you" or "just trust God" through all of this. but i don't know how to do that. i've never done that before. you just think i have. i'm not the person that you think i am. and i don't know what to do. i don't know how to handle this.

asdflkajwera;lvkjawl;erjawlkvejl;rkjao;wierj

this post isn't necessarily meant to be depressing, although thats how its gonna sound. these 2 songs just hit me hard when i heard them.

Could It Be Any Harder by The Calling
fade away

You left me with goodbye and open arms
A cut so deep I don't deserve
Well, you were always invincible in my eyes
The only thing against us now is time

Could it be any harder to say goodbye and without you,
Could it be any harder to watch you go, to face what's true
If I only had one more day

fade away(x3)

I lie down and blind myself with laughter
Well, a quick fix of hope is what I'm needing
And how I wish that I could turn back the hours
But I know I just don't have the power

Could it be any harder to say goodbye and without you,
Could it be any harder to watch you go, to face what's true
If I only had one more day

Well, I'd jump at the chance,
We'd drink and we'd dance
And I'd listen close to your every word,
As if it's your last, well I know it's your last,
Cause today, oh, you're gone

Could it be any harder, fade away (x3)
Could it be any harder, fade away (x3)
Yeah

Could it be any harder to live my life without you
Could it be any harder, I'm all alone, I'm all alone

Like sand on my feet,
The smell of sweet perfume
You stick to me forever, baby
I wish you didn't go
I wish you didn't go, I wish you didn't go away
To touch you again,
With life in your hands,
It couldn't be any harder.. harder..




Stigmatized by The Calling
If I give up on you I give up on me
If we fight what's true, will we ever be
Even God himself, and the faith I knew
Shouldn't hold me back, shouldn't keep me from you

Chorus:
Tease me, by holding out your hand
Then leave me, or take me as I am
And live our lives, stigmatized

I can feel the blood rushing through my veins
When I hear your voice, driving me insane
Hour after hour day after day
Every lonely night that I sit and pray

Chorus
Tease me, by holding out your hand
Then leave me, or take me as I am
And live our lives, stigmatized

We live our lives on different sides
But we keep together you and I
Just live our lives, stigmatized

We'll live our lives, we'll take the punches every day
We'll live our lives I know we're gonna find our way

I believe in you
Even if no one understands
I believe in you, and I don't really give a damn
If we're stigmatized
We live our lives on different sides
But we keep together you and I
We live our lives on different sides,

We're gonna live our lives
Gotta live our lives
We're gonna live our lives
We're gonna live our lives, Gonna live our lives, Stigmatized

so i did this before, but i did it all wrong. so now i'm doing it over again, using ali's...


Instructions:
1: Copy this whole list into your journal
2: 'Bold' the things that we have in common
3: Whatever you don't 'bold', replace with things about you.
4: Link who you got this from.

01. I hate science.
02. I have a brother. I love him.
03. I never smoke cigarrettes.
04. I can't decide what I want to do with my hair.
05. I love my dog.
06. I love to thrift shop.
07. I am pretty much the worlds least picky eater.
08. I hardly ever get sick.
09. I like candy.
10. I get a lot of headaches.
11. I think Pepsi is better than Coke.
12. I love personal emails.
13. I have absolutely no artistic talent.
14. Our dorm room is a mess!!!
15. I love lipgloss/lipbalm/chapstick!
16. I want to expand my circle of friends.
17. I am a ringnut. (or at least i try/pretend to be... haha)
18. I don't care much about clothes.
19. I am one of those people that always looks down at the ground and avoids eye contact.
20. It makes my day to get a letter from someone.
21. No one ever spells my first name right.
22. I am getting tired.
23. I hate the cold.
24. I am pretty much a klutz.
25. I am a flipflop-wearing girl.
26. I am a camp counselor.
27. I can't stand stupidity.
28. I want to live NOT IN OHIO.
29. My wardrobe consists of thrift t-shirts, jeans, pajama pants, and the occasional church outfit.
30. I procrastinate right down to the very last minute.
31. I can speak several jibberish languages... like adaga and op-ish. (altho my oppish is a little shaky)
32. I can't play guitar.
33. I love my grandparents.
34. I can play like 4 songs on the piano, including "oh where is my hair brush" from veggie tales and "everything i do i do it for you" by bryan adams
35. I can't skank
36. I admit to being a big jerk. (ali had on occasion here, but i can't even claim that. i'm just a jerk all the time.)
37. I love ice cream.
38. I hardly ever watch the weather channel.
39. I drive a red car.
40. I don't understand a lot of movies (like the hours, and underworld) without much explanation. and i still don't understand the hours...
41. I dont plan ahead.
42. I like musicals. a lot. :)
43. I love Jesus.
44. I love my family.
45. I'm not sure that I have a best friend these days.
46. I hate embarrasment.
47. I like chocolate, but I could live without it.
48. I have bad eyesight.
49. I like Starbucks.
50. I like old school video games.
51. I have brown eyes.
52. I hate anything that is artificial grape-flavored.
53. I like socks.
54. I like to type.
55. I can't tell time on a real clock (the one's with hands).
56. I have fun doing the strangest things that most people wouldn't think was fun.
57. I have tried yoga. once. during 5th period study hall with kara. lol it was a good time.
58. I am a bookworm.
59. I love getting mail.
60. I am in love.
61. I don't like to run.
62. I don't sleep very much... call it insomnia.
63. I am not a good swimmer.
64. I have dysthmia. or something like that.
65. I talk on the phone a lot.
66. I like don't really like any kind of sports.
67. I know how to fold a fitted sheet.
68. I want to be happy. Eternally.
69. I will go to Europe some time in my life.
70. I know how to read.
71. I like cinnamon/sugar toast.
72. I don't write poetry.
73. I love rollercoasters.
74. Sometimes I think I'm crazy
75. I am pretty mellow.
76. I work at mcdonalds back home. I'm a grill worker. ha.
77. I have my eyebrow pierced
78. I like books.
79. I've been wearing chuck taylors since 10th grade, and dont wear other shoes very often.
80. I dont talk to my dad very much.
81. I like emo music.
82. I probly have more close friends that are guys than girls
83. I gave up chocolate for a year.
84. I have heard the story "Purple Passion"
85. I hate feeling lonely.
86. I loose cds all the time, I can't really keep track of them
87. I'm not usually very open.
88. I was born in April
89. The thought of marriage scares me, since my parents have such an unhappy one.
90. I am EXTREMELY sarcastic.
91. When I get angry/full of rage, I cry. Or go drive around. Or both.
92. I can't bench you.
93. People come to me with their problems.
94. I could get good grades, if I didn't procrastinate so bad.
95. I don't really like to dress up for Halloween.
96. I like to be spontaneous
97. I don't know if I've ever really thought about suicide or not.
98. I'm not a huge fan of pixi sticks
99. I think too much.

this song is really pretty. can you call a dashboard song pretty? well it is. i've had the lines "take notice, take interest, take me with you" line stuck in my head all day, so i read the words. wow. i really like it.

Several Ways to Die Trying by Dashboard Confessional
Pacific sun,
You should have warned us it gets so cold here
And the night can freeze before you set a fire
And our flares go unnoticed, diminished
Faded just as soon as they are fired.

We are, we are, intriqued
We are, we are, invisible

Oh how we shouted, how we screamed
Take notice, take interest, take me with you
When all our fears fall on deaf ears tonight
They're burning the roads they built to lead us to the light
And blinding our hearts with their shining lies

We're closing our caskets, cold and tight
But I'm dying to live.....

Pacific sun,
You should have warned us these heights are dizzying
And the climb can kill you long before the fall
And our trails go unmarked and unmapped, and
Covered just as soon as they are crossed.

We are, we are, intriquing
We are, we are, desirable

Oh how we shouted, how we screamed
Take notice, take interest, take me with you
When all our fears fall on deaf ears tonight
They're burning the roads they built to lead us to the light
And blinding our hearts with their shining lies

Oh how we shouted, how we screamed
Take notice, take interest, take me with you
When all our fears fall on deaf ears tonight
They're burning the roads they built to lead us to the light
And blinding our hearts with their shining lies.....

i just got an email from my mom. i'm just gonna copy and paste it instead of trying to explain it all....

Your grandmother has called my twice in the last two days. Sergio (I forget his last name) was a hi school foreign exchange student from Italy who lived with Della & Chuck years ago—when I was in Jr Hi I think—I had a huge crush on him. He stayed in this country for college, married, got a good job somewhere on the east coast, never went back to Italy to live, & has kept in touch with Della all these years—she goes out to visit his family a couple times a year & they occasionally come to Ohio. He called Grandma this weekend & told her that Della is in a Hospice care center in Dayton & is not expected to live very much longer. Mom called the Hospice center & found out they could visit, so they went there today (Monday). Della is not very well at all. Her cancer has come back full force. You may not remember that she fought cancer several years ago—has had a couple operations and more than one run of chemotherapy—the last one being just a few months ago. Remember she didn’t come around at all at Christmas—told your grandmother that she wasn’t feeling well, but never let on that she was this bad. She is very weak; living on pain medication, only eats a little (they got her to eat some ice cream & pie, but she passed on the “real food”—said if she was going to die, she could eat only the good stuff.) She will not come out of this place. She isn’t even making plans for a nursing home—she knows she won’t live much longer.
..............Grandma just called again. The Hospice called her & said Della is unresponsive & they don't excpet her to last another 24 hours. She has been sick for months & never told us. Mom talked to a lady from Della's church & the lady said that various church people have been taking care of her --going to her house every day--since before Christmas. I wonder why she didn't call your grandparents--they are the closest thing she has to family.
Grandma is so glad they went there yesterday! They talked to her & she understood them--Della told them they could come down & stay in her house............

i'm never going to see her again. oh my gosh i can't take it. her cancer was gone!!! she's been fine for like 4 years!!! she's gonna die within the next 24 hours. i'm never going to see her again. i can't take this i can't take this!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i need friends right now. it seems like everything is crashing down at once and i can't take it. i don't know what to do.

its not perfect (see the nice 'your title' and ad up there??) but its not bad for only like half an hour of work.


i'm running out of distractions.

gotta find a new template for this.... blech that takes so long!

be careful what you wish for!!
so i got my distraction. it lasted for a good hour, and it was craziness.
so RA IMed me this link, and i clicked on it. then she put up an away message saying not to click on the link cuz it somehow got sent to everyone on her buddy list. but that was after i clicked on it, of course. so next thing i know, everyone is IMing me and asking me what it is. so i typed up a little "don't click on this" speech and IMed it to every single person on my buddy list. struck up a short conversation with ryan schultz, after like 2 years!! haha. he remembers me. that was back in the day... but yeah. you know those people that you have on your buddy list that you wouldn't want them to find out that you have their screen names? i have a few of those... lol. always good. guess they'll find out now....

that was a good distraction. i didn't think about anything for like an hour. so many people were talking to me, it was crazy. but now i'm at work until 7:30, which sucks big time. i'm so freaking tired, i'm running on about 2 and a half hours of sleep. i feel like puking. its cold and i hate being cold. and yet i have to sit in this lab by myself (and i'm like a freaking kid now, i don't like being by myself. it gives me too much time to think. i need to have people around me!!) until 7:30.... ok enough randomness that no one cares about...

i need something to distract me so i don't think about it.

i'm either sick, or my body and brain are rebelling against me. same thing i guess. i've been so freaking cold all day long. and my stomach is churning. i ate a little lunch, but i just threw it up. blech. i hate being sick.

Smile by Charlie Chaplin
Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by...

If you smile
With your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just...

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just...

Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by...

If you smile
Through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile...

That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

forget about me, focus on you. i love you and i just want you to be happy. care about yourself. you know where i am if you need anything at all.

yeah definitely talking to kevin gray online right now!!! omg!!! its been like a year since i've talked to this kid!! this is exciting!!!! yay for catching up with friends you haven't talked to in forever!!!!!!!!!!!!

its good to know that he's ok. i think of him every once in awhile, and wonder where he is and how he's doing. so its good to know that he's good. :)

so between talking to joe momma last week, and kevin this week, i'm happy!! i love knowing that my friends are ok!! :)

homeschooler---no blenheim and T&C, it was a very sad sad time... :(
i define normal as i'm back together with janson, and yeah... thats about it. :)


so yeah... for those of you who didn't figure it out before now, yes janson and i are back together. and yes, i'm so freaking happy that i don't think my smile could be any bigger.

i would also like to say, for jansons sake, :) that its me that keeps myself out so late. janson usually starts around 12:30 or 1 telling me that i should come back here and get to bed, and i just push it till 2 or 3 or 4. so i'd just like to state his innocence and my guilt in this matter. :)

ok i'm off to dreamland now, for happy dreams :)

life has returned to normal, in case you weren't sure.

i just found diet blenheim online.... laugh with me friends... lol

mmmmmm i'm so happy!! :) :) :)

ok i really should get to bed soon. i have to get up again in 5 hours. but it was worth it...... :)

and my face has a smile. a real smile. for the first time since wednesday night. the worst few days of my entire life are over. and i'm smiling and i'm happy again. :) i don't think i'm going to be able to sleep tonight. i feel too giddy.. lol. i'm such a girl :)

today was an ok day. tim and i got up, ate a crappy breakfast, and ended up going to kidron so i could take the backboard and such to camp. the camp driveway was a mess, it was on the scary side. something about a slippery snowy lane with a huge lake on the left... lol
after that we went to the nussbaum's, and we were there for a couple hours. ben, brad, travis, 2B, and dustin were there. ben left after a bit. tim and i basically just hung out with travis the whole time. it was fun. :) after that we went to town and country cuz i wanted blenheim (of which they had none). we ended up helping some guy jumpstart his car cuz he'd left his batteries on. that was interesting... haha. we ate lunch at steak n shake. i was so proud of myself--i found it all on my own!! lol. i'd never driven there before, and i didn't want to go all the way to the belden exit. so i got off at the fulton exit and just pretended that i knew what i was doing. but it was ok, lol.
we watched the rest of pirates of the caribbean, an episode of mr. bean, then started harry potter and the chamber of secrets. about an hour into that, we left to go see peter pan at movies 4. how about that movie was freaking awesome!!! yeah. it was really good! we finished harry potter (tim says... its better than the first one, but there's still stuff that was changed). then we just kinda sat around and did nothing. i took him over to PGB right before midnight, but mike and mike aren't in their dorm. he's in reno's room until they get back. i hope its not too late, cuz tim was getting really tired.
now i'm gonna watch ocean's eleven on my computer. with many thoughts running through my head....

its like being on a roller coaster. one minute i'm at the top of a hill and things are going great and i'm feeling the whole 'i'm gonna be ok' thing. and then the next minute, i'll see something that provokes a memory, or i'll think about something, and its like plunging down into a huge black hole. i don't know if i can take this. i think it would almost be better if i was depressed all the time, or happy all the time. cuz this whole up and down thing just isn't working for me. it hurts too much.....

i made a new scarf tonight. yeah.
tim's here for the weekend.
i have a headache, but i don't think i can take any more drugs without blowing up my body.
i don't have anything else to say.

i'm trying not to hurt. i'm trying not to cry. i'm trying to be brave. its just not working. my heart is rebelling against my head and i hate it.
i hate being in a room by myself. i don't know why. i never have before. but i can't handle it now.
i hate trying to sleep. every time i start to doze off, my brain rebels and starts thinking a lot.
i hate that there's nothing i can do to make it easier for either of us.
i just don't understand God sometimes i guess.... is it ok to say that? why bring someone into my life, only to take them away again? what was the point?
i'm not blaming anyone for this. i just don't understand. and i'm tired of hurting.

don't look at me. don't see me crying. i shouldn't be this weak. this isn't me, it's not like me to cry. so just don't look at me for awhile (a long while) until the hurt eases and the tears stop.

i just feel like someone ripped my heart out and tore into little pieces. it hurts so bad. i want it to go away. i don't want to feel like this anymore. i've been laying in bed for the last 20 minutes trying to sleep, and i can't. my head is swirling with thoughts of "could i have done or said something to change this? is this really the end? what am i gonna tell this person or that person? what am i going to do?" i came to depend on him so much in the last few weeks. he was my rock through everything. i wanted to be there for him. i thought i was, but i guess i failed at that too. i didn't mean to be a jerk like i was. sometimes i don't realize how i'm coming across.
if there's ever anything i can do, i'll do it..... i'm such a dork. but i would make all the eye contact in the world. i would take back every negative thing i ever said about myself, and wouldn't say anything more. i wouldn't be a jerk anymore. i'd do anything...

So this is odd,
the painful realization that has all gone wrong.
And nobody cares at all,
and nobody cares at all.

So you buried all your lover's clothes
and burned the letters lover wrote,
but it doesn't make it any better.
Does it make it any better?
And the plaster dented from your fist
in the hall where you had your first kiss
reminds you that the memories will fade.

So this is strange,
our sidestepping has come to be a brilliant dance
where nobody leads at all,
where nobody leads at all.

And the picture frames are facing down
and the ringing from this empty sound
is deafening and keeping you from sleep.
And breathing is a foreign task
and thinking's just too much to ask
and you're measuring your minutes by a clock that's blinking eights.

This is incredible.
Starving, insatiable,
yes, this is love for the first time.
Well you'd like to think that you were invincible.
Yeah, well weren't we all once before we felt loss for the first time?
Well this is the last time.
Brilliant Dance by Dashboard Confessional
(aka current story of my life, exactly. word for word.)

did i ever mention how much i hate crying? cuz i really do. a lot. but yet, i've spent the last hour and a half crying. i guess i'm still in shock. i dunno. i'm not mad, i'm just hurt. i'm trying to understand, i am. i'm just hurt a lot.

you thought that i didn't trust people after heidi? ha. that was nothing compared to now. there are no exceptions in the world. everyone will hurt me some time or another, no matter how much they tell me that they won't.

ok let me rephrase that for ali. i have no faith in humankind. lol

its just a dsythymia day. a severe dysthymia day. i'll be alright, and if not i'll do a great job pretending that i am!

i hate sweden and RAD. they stole my best friend. i know its not fair to say that, but thats how i feel. she was the one person who had never done it to me, and now she's doing it to me. how about i just completely lost all trust in mankind, cuz everyone that i think is different turns out to be just the same as everyone else. i'm never trusting anyone again. sound good? yeah i thought so too.

i had a lot of dreams last night. one that we won't go into. but 2 that we can....

in the one, will ullinger IMed me and we were talking, and then we made plans to hang out. thats really random, lol. i haven't even talked to him for like a year and a half.

in another one, travis came. i was sleeping or something and someone woke me up and was like "tracey travis is here!" and i went running outside. i was really happy, cuz he totally surprised me. then caryn woke me up (my alarm clock is broken).

and like i said, that other one we just won't go into...

ok my english paper is ALMOST done. like within a paragraph of being done.

oh! and i've solved my "i want to see peter pan really bad" problem. little sibs weekend!! duh! my little brother wants to see it too, so i'll just take him this weekend! its a good excuse for me. :)

as;dlfkja;lwkejrl;akvn;lwekrjwaer. thats about how i feel today. just so everyone knows. at least i got a decent amount of sleep last night. almost 8 hours! wooooo! and i think i'm going to sheetz tonight, cuz both mike davis and reno flipped out when i said i'd never been there before. read:
mixma5t3r: WHAT
mixma5t3r: what the f

mobster reno: IT IS PUNISHABLE BY DEATH! oh, sorry, i'm a Sheetz maniac now....blame mike and stokes

i just thought that was funny. ok paper now, no more procrastinating!!!

have i mentioned lately how much i love the all-american rejects? i could listen to them for the rest of my life and be happy i think. mmmmmm :)

ok for real now. i promise. i'm going!!

in case you were wondering, i really hate crying. a lot. maybe more than anything else. it sucksucksucksucksucksucksucks. ok i'm going to bed early tonight, cuz my paper is almost done so there's nothing else to do....

and just when you thought i couldn't post any more in one day.....

(current favorite song)
Bend and Not Break by Dashboard Confessional
I pedal up these steps now
Decisive and intentioned
Precise a pattern specifically to yours
I'm talented at breathing
Especially exhaling
So that my chest will rise and fall with yours

I'm careful not to wake you
Fearing conversation
It's better just to hold you
And keep you pacified
I'm talented with reason
I cover all the angles
I can fail before I ever try

Try to understand there's an old mistake that fools will make
And I'm the king of them, pushing everything that's good away
Wont you hold me now (I will not bend I will not break)
Wont you hold me now (I will not bend I will not break)

I am feeling agile
I can bend and not break
But I can break and take it with a smile
And I am so resilient
I recover quickly
I'll convince you soon that I am fine

Try to understand there's and old mistake that fools will make
And I'm the king of them, pushing everything that's good away
Wont you hold me now (I will not bend I will not break)
Wont you hold me now

Just hold me close to you, just hold me close to you
Just hold me close to you, just hold me close to you, to you

And try to understand there's and old mistake that fools will make
And I'm the king of them, pushing everything that's good away
So wont you hold me now?
Wont you hold me now?
Now, now, now, now, now

relientkbandgeek: do you still smell like a reindeer?
RODGORT13: nope
RODGORT13: i showered in another country about an hour ago
relientkbandgeek: in another country??
relientkbandgeek: lol
RODGORT13: county
RODGORT13: doh
RODGORT13: slight difference no?
relientkbandgeek: just a slight difference. lol. i was confused there for a sec
RODGORT13: :-)
relientkbandgeek: send me your sickness so i don't have to go to classes tomorrow
RODGORT13: haha
RODGORT13: but then you have to make itup
RODGORT13: if you dont want to go just skip
relientkbandgeek: i have 2 papers due
relientkbandgeek: that i'm just now starting
relientkbandgeek: lol
RODGORT13: sigh
relientkbandgeek: you can write one for me
relientkbandgeek: you're good at that
relientkbandgeek: the subject is: a mistake i made and what i learned from it
relientkbandgeek: ready?
relientkbandgeek: go
RODGORT13: ok
RODGORT13: tracey made the mistake of playing final fantasy
relientkbandgeek: *sigh* whatever
relientkbandgeek: and what did i learn from it?
RODGORT13: the game causes brain damage
relientkbandgeek: (this has to be about 3 pages, by the way lol)
RODGORT13: tracey learned that she should listen to jared
RODGORT13: who is much smarter and wiser than her
relientkbandgeek: and i can get three pages out of that?
relientkbandgeek: lol
RODGORT13: insert random words of another language
relientkbandgeek: so it'll be like this.... "i shouldn't queso have el pollo played final pox fantasy"
relientkbandgeek: or something like along those lines
relientkbandgeek: lol
RODGORT13: YES
RODGORT13: ATTTT(plus signs)
relientkbandgeek: why didn't you just use the plus key? lol
RODGORT13: too much effort
relientkbandgeek: ++++
relientkbandgeek: its not that hard
relientkbandgeek: lol
RODGORT13: ehhhhhhhhhhhhhh im going
RODGORT13: get to work!
relientkbandgeek: i am i am!! i have to write my other one first
relientkbandgeek: lol
relientkbandgeek: bye
RODGORT13: ta ta
relientkbandgeek: bye

:) i love my friends

so in the middle of gilmore girls, mike davis IMs me and asks if i'm listening to their radio show. i wasn't, of course, cuz i was watching my show. so i end up calling in (cuz i call in pretty much every week), and talking to them (mike, lyle, and reno) for like 10 minutes. they crack me up. it was a good time. :)

now back to my show. it still has 15 minutes left, and jess just showed up!!!!!!!!!

you thought i was done for the day? ha. just wait...

sometimes i really miss heidi a lot. well actually all the time. but sometimes it just hits me. my best friend is in sweden. i'm not gonna see her till august. and even then, there's still the whole thing with her living in cincinatti.

*i miss being able to call her whenever i want
*i miss talking to her period!
*i miss calling her while i clean my room. i never get that done these days, its too boring!
*i miss the june bugs
*i miss her understanding the blue funk days
*i miss our online bathrooms
*and our non-online chatrooms
*i have nowhere to hide from people online without her.
*every time i go past a mcdonalds in between home and camp, i think of the time she came home with me from camp and was like "is that the one that you work at?" at every single mcdonalds that we passed.
*i miss being at alive with her, shannon, and christy
*i miss being at ben's house with her. it makes me sad to be around the boys without her. we were always there for each other when the boys were being dumb, and i feel so alone now without her...
*i miss sitting under the table at ben's house talking
*i miss thrift shopping with her
*i miss stealing fire trucks from little kids with her and shannon :)
*i even miss her stupid computer that always messes up
*i miss her old car that died when the deer attacked it
*i remember the night we drove all over canton trying to find joe smith. we ended up in massillon, haha. that night was a classic.
*i remember the night we slept in christy ullinger's trailer. we looked at bridal magazines :)
*then the next morning, after christy left, we totally rearranged the words on her refrigerator into a bunch of random sentences that made no sense
*i miss watching the princess bride and holding my breath during the quicksand part
*i miss watching tv in the bathroom of her church
*i miss daddy kalous talking to me on the phone for 5 minutes before he'd give it to heidi
*i remember the first time we really talked. summer after our sophomore year. i was sitting on the bridge at camp being depressed, and she came over and sat down. we talked for the next like 2 hours straight. that was what started it all...
*i miss our bridge talks. and our dog house talks.
*i remember when she had a real bad asthma attack during youth camp last summer. i'd noticed for a few minutes that she seemed to be having trouble, so we went outside, and then it was horrible. i was so scared, and there was nothing i could do but sit and watch nurse mom and deb take care of it. after heidi was carried down to the nurses' station i just ran into (nurse) mom's arms and bawled my eyes out.
*i remember skipping like every activity that day and just laying in the bed in the nurse's station with her, talking and laughing
*i remember the tapes that she's made for me. they're so funny to listen to. in the one, she tells me the names of all her cows, and talks about their personalities. its hilarious. :)
*i remember the cd that i was gonna make for her of me talking. it was almost done, and then my mom wiped the computer..... lol
*i miss talking to her about boys. i was never one to talk about boys much, but when i did, it was to her. she knew about every boy i ever liked, and vice versa
*i want her to meet janson. i hate that i have two people who mean so much to me, and they can't even meet each other until august.
*she is one of the few people in this world that i can cry in front of and not care. i don't even try to hold it in for her. i miss being able to just cry and not care
*i remember our friends couch. ha. that was back in the day, like freshman year
*her church used to always get to youth retreat late cuz of how far away it was. every year, i'd turn around like 6 million times, waiting for her to get there. and then i'd run to the back, not caring what else was going on
*i loved the week that we both worked at camp. i loved being able to just go into her room and hang out whenever i had free time, whether she was there or not
*i remember the drive to alive. haha. that was my first drive to somewhere that i wasn't totally sure where i was going
*haha even better---i remember getting lost on the way home from camp 2 summers ago cuz we stopped in belden village to see joe and i had no idea where i was going
*i remember blasting sadie hawkins dance while we were waiting in the really long line of cars at alive
*i can't hear our (heidi, shannon, and me) song (sugar dodododododo oh honey honey dodododododo you are my candy girl, and you got me wanting you) without crying. it played a couple weeks ago while i was at friendly's with janson and i went to the bathroom so he wouldn't see me crying
*i just miss her. i know she's doing awesome things over there, i know she is. God is using her in ways that i can't even begin to imagine. i don't know... i miss her so much. its hard.

ok random rant time.

i read too much into things. i hate it. the littlest thing can cause me to freak out and think of all these crazy scenarios in my head... i hate it!!! i can convince myself that someone hates me, without much effort. but no matter how much i tell myself that i'm making things up, i still do it. i'm such a dork. sometimes i really do wonder if the world would be a better place....... lol

saturday night
so we're at fazoli's. it was awesome. i love those two (liz and david) a lot. we just talked and screwed around and had a good time. (i broke the fork!!! wooooo!!!! i have to call david and tell him that!! i'm a beast! ha) i've known david for so long. i forget that sometimes. but if i think about it... ok i met him the summer after my 7th grade year. so thats like 5 and a half years ago. i can sit down and tell him anything. and i do. i find myself telling him such random things sometimes, lol. it made me laugh when he asked me about janson. i don't know why it made me laugh, but it did. not as much as seeing him driving his red convertible... haha. ok. so after that, we went to mel's cuz i wanted to see her. we were there till almost 1 am, just talking and stuff. i really need to go down there more often, but it takes so much gas!!! liz and i went to wal-mart on the way back to her house. we got yarn, and i bought janson a sucker. :) we went to sleep right away, cuz we had to get up for church on sunday.

sunday
we woke up and went to church. i like liz's church. i wasn't so sure about it at first, but i liked it. we sang hymns. that made me happy. i miss singing hymns sometimes (i'm so mennonite... lol. i can even sing the alto part to most hymns). i had to leave the service before it was over, but it was ok. i ate a little bit, said bye to liz, and then drove back. i'm not even gonna say how long it took me to get back here, cuz its an insane amount of time and it should have taken a lot longer. i'm a crazy driver apparently... lol. i stopped at sandy's house to get the backboard for the camp fair yesterday, and i was still back at malone around like 2:40 or so. haha.


its really cold in this lab. and i'm in a really blah a;lsdkfa;lskdjf mood. i don't know why. i shouldn't be. i have no reason to be sad. but i feel sad. but then, i pretty much always feel sad, so thats nothing new.

i want to go see peter pan tonight, but i can't find anyone to go with me. guess i'm not going. thats ok. i'm a loser anyway. :)