wow this has been one of those weeks... i haven't been online much. solo and ensemble is tomorrow. i definitely don't think we're ready. but i get to hang out with lynne and ali (and brian? i'm not sure... i haven't talked to him for awhile), and then go to patrick's show!!

stupid person... i don't even remember his name... chris something maybe?? i just remember he's the stupid guy who thinks that i shouldn't be friends w/joe...
snaggleshocker: what up
relientkbandgeek: not much you?
snaggleshocker: you still talk to joe smith
relientkbandgeek: a little, i haven't talked to him for a few weeks
snaggleshocker: what is that faggets screen name
relientkbandgeek: he doesn't get on much anymore, i don't think he has a computer
snaggleshocker: i would like to talk to him
snaggleshocker: well what is his sn
relientkbandgeek: no offense, but i don't really want to give it to you, since i know you don't like him

stupid kid... i wanted to be mean, but we all know i'm not real good at that :)

i need to talk to lynne and ali. i don't know what time lynne is coming to get me in the morning... lol. and i need to tell ali what time we'll be there. all well... i'm just nervous...

CD of the week: Fellowship of the Ring soundtrack... what else?? :-P


i went to cd warehouse today. it was exciting. lots of good stuff for really cheap. i limited myself tho, and only bought one thing: the stargate video for $3.99 :) the roads were starting to get bad then so i went home (withOUT my IHOP dinner... sniff.. i ended up eating at mcdonalds... someday, i WILL eat at the pancake place!!!!!!!!!!) anyway... i'm out for today... my bed calls...

hmmm... i haven't been online in awhile. i worked friday and saturday night, and saturday afternoon leah and i went over to casey's (and managed to get lost on the way... lol) to work on our trio. thats in like 6 days. wow. i hope we do alright. i'm nervous about it.
i'm a lotr loser with the frosh girls at school.
relientkbandgeek: i finished it today!! now all i have to read are the appendices.... HA TAKE THAT!!!!!!!
fairi88: Oh great. XD
fairi88: AHH! Pippin! ^_^
relientkbandgeek: lol :-)
relientkbandgeek: so how much did you read farrah?
fairi88: Almost done with FotR.
relientkbandgeek: you're never going to make it. you should just admit defeat
relientkbandgeek: plus if you did, then i wouldn't have to read all of the appendices, just the interesting parts
fairi88: No way!
relientkbandgeek: well you're still going to lose, so it doesn't matter
fairi88: Ha!
fairi88: It is not over until every last little word has been read!
fairi88: So I have a chance, small as it is. :P
relientkbandgeek: and i'm only 122 pages from that!!!
fairi88: 122 of booooorrrrrrrrring info that you will just nooooottttttt possibly read in such a short time.
relientkbandgeek: see, not all of it is boring
relientkbandgeek: just most of it
fairi88: Bwaha/

if only she would admit defeat... poor farrah... :)

no school today. it actually kinda sucks. now i have 3 midterms tomorrow instead of one today and two tomorrow. plus i don't have anything to study for my pre-calc test with, its all at school. grrrr. i was up until almost midnight last night (which is normally late for me, except i've become an insomniac recently) studying for physics, and then they go and cancel school for no reason. it's "too cold out." they "couldn't get the busses started." wow. i go to a torched school.
now i'm going to go eat my lunch of a grilled chicken sandwich that i brought home from work last night....

wow... today was just an ok day, until about a quarter to 8. the phone rings, and i heard tim coming up the stairs and he hands it t o me and says something dumb like "its a boy so its your new boyfriend". i was confused... so at first i thought it was brian hershberger, cuz it sounded like his voice. then i figured out that i was talking to david!! david called me!! it took me a sec to process the fact that i was on the phone with david lantz. we had a really good conversation. we didn't talk about anything in particular, just fun things. then at the end i was like "hey is everything ok w/us?" and he said yeah. i apologized for being a jerk and he tried to say that i hadn't been one, but i know that i was. but i couldn't bring myself to talk about anything...whats the right word? serious i guess. like i started to say yesterday. i don't want to say the wrong thing or something. i mean he's a cool guy and probly wouldn't think anything of it if i did, but i dunno. i just feel like i can't talk to him about my problems now cuz he doesn't need them, you know? i dunno... i'm just glad that things are ok, and that he's doing better!! ok back to studying for mid-terms... yuck

CD of the week: earthsuit-kaleidoscope superior


68 days till i see heidi. thats exciting.

i got a link for some awesome pictures of earthsuit

i had a REALLY weird dream a few nights ago. one of those dreams where you wake up and just lay there for awhile, trying to figure it out. i dreamt that i was sitting talking to lynne somewhere, i dunno where we were. i started talking about david, and i started crying really hard. then david came over and asked lynne to leave and he sat down in front of me where she'd been sitting, and said we needed to talk. i tried to stop crying, and stood up and said i was fine and didn't want to talk, and then i ran away. i went to this really weird mall place, and i remember thinking "i have to go somewhere where david can't find me, cuz he'll follow me" and then i woke up. it was just really weird, esp cuz i did that a lot to him this summer. he'd sit down and try to talk to me, and i'd act like i hadn't been crying and say i had to go take care of a camper or something. it was just really weird. its really been bothering me, too. i dunno why. i think that i'm afraid to talk to him now. i think i'm just screwed up... all well i'm out...

i haven't eaten in 22 and a half hours. wow. it actually isn't too bad. only 7 and a half more hours till we go to old country buffet to celebrate!! lol. we're doing the 30 hour famine. we don't eat for 30 hours, and get sponsors, then send all the money we collect to a non-profit organization who uses it as needed in 3rd world countries. this is like the 5th or 6th time i've done it since i was in jr hi.

we watched a beautiful mind last night at the lock-in. wow!!!!!! that is an outstanding movie!! it was so good!!! wow!!! i borrowed it from pastor kari. i think i'm gonna go watch it again... :)

i am the spawn of satan.

i like weezer.

thats unrelated to the spawn of satan thing.

i hate macbeth.

i'm mad at ebay right now.

some people annoy me.

i think that mcdonalds is like a cult. we all say we're going to quit, but no one ever does.

and thats all for today.

i just read todd smucker's last post on pvmom. i'm glad that things are ok for him. i miss him a little. i mean, when you work with someone almost an entire summer, you tend to get to know them a little. he's so hilarious. i'll never forget when i spent the night at his house with kelly, and she showed me his room and his closet. he somehow just doesn't seem like the type of guy who would have his hangers evenly spaced in his closet and his room completely spotless... lol. smuck's a great guy tho, and i'm sure he's doing awesome awesome things in ireland. :)

CD of the week: josh groban live (cd/dvd)


my post from yesterday didn't work right. oh well. i can't even remember what it said. i flipped out at work tonight. mikey sent me home at 6:45. he wouldn't even let me stay 15 more minutes so i at least worked 3 hours straight. so i flipped. a few choice words flew out of my mouth, and now thats like "the thing" to talk about at work. great. all i'm gonna hear about for the next month is how i said the f word. well maybe i'm just sick of being sent home 2 hours early every time i work. my last paycheck was freakin $86 because monahan sends me home early every single night that he's there, then expects me to act like he's doing me a favor. suuure, i love being gypped out of 10 or 15 bucks a night. really. grrrrrrrr sometimes i really hate working there. if it weren't for the people that i work with, i would have quit forever ago, cuz i hate the management...

today's leah's 18th birthday. jen ritzert came out and they spent the night at the dutch inn last night. they came over to see me, too. i got leah milk duds and made her a fun cd (that i was still working on when they came... lol) my mom made her tang bread, but they had to leave before it was finished. i gave her my fluffy steering wheel cover that won't fit on my steering wheel, too.
i started thinking after they left. i remember back in like jr hi when the 3 of us and amy vadasz (jen's best friend at the time) were all in the same cabin. we had the stupidest fight that week. amy and i got so mad at jen and leah cuz they kept going off on their own and not including us in anything. it was so stupid, but we were SO mad!!! and then as soon as we got home, things were ok again cuz i had leah back. i feel like i've been gyped (gypped? gipped? giped? i dunno how to spell that word) or something. i guess from what jen says amy has really changed a lot (and not for the better) since the last time i saw her. i was never real close to her to begin with, we just had fun that week since our respective best friends were ignoring us. leah and jen are really close now, and i don't have anyone. i mean, i am SO CLOSE to heidi, don't get me wrong!! (76 days till i see her!!) but i dunno... i was just a little bummed after they left. sometimes i really miss being close to leah. she was my best friend from like 2nd or 3rd grade until a few years ago when we had that fight. yeah, we're still friends, and we still do stuff sometimes (altho not as much with jenny gone), but things will never be the same. ever. i guess thats ok. we both grew up and grew apart. its just kinda depressing to think about sometimes.

i couldn't get online yesterday. that sucks. the carpet in this room was being cleaned. all well. ali called last night. it makes me happy to talk to her. i didn't for so long, and i didn't realize how much i missed it until we started talking again. i can't wait till me and lynne go stay at her house. we should probly tell mr rodik about that soon... oh well. what can he say, no you can't already be in the area of solo and ensemble??
a girl from EP died in a car accident last night. ashley was really close to her. we both worked today. it was hard, cuz all i could think about when i looked at ashley crying was lisa. i ashley that i was sorry if i seemed like i was avoiding her, but i dunno... just every time i looked at her crying, or heard her talking about amber, it made me think of going through the exact same thing in march. :(

oh and my new cd player still has full battery power. i got it on christmas, i plug it into the car every time i go anywhere, i use it constantly... still full power!! lol... :)

awww i just watched the majestic. it made up for pay it forward having a sad ending. it was a really good movie!!! i think i'm gonna ask for it for christmas....
i got another email from ali today. i mentioned something to her about how writing that letter to david was hard, and she said this...
"What did you write to David that was so hard for you? Whatever it was made him really happy... you know you don't have to tell me if you don't want. I just wondered." wow. how do i explain that?? hmm... this is gonna take some thinking. i know that part of it was mostly likely my pride. wow. that takes honesty. but it was a really big thing, (for me, anyway) to write a letter to someone, saying "hey, crap happened between us. i ruined stuff. i'm sorry. i love you, i'm here for you if you need it." but, i'm so glad that i had the chance!!!!!!! i don't even want to think about what i would be feeling right now if i hadn't gotten my second chance. wow... ok thats too deep thinking for me right now. i need to sleep more before i can think about stuff like that.
sleep. i miss sleep. but every time i go to my room to sleep, i end up reading (two towers, of course, because i have to beat farrah! ha-she's a whole book behind!! :-D), or writing letters, or in my journal, or.... wow. then the next thing i know i look at my clock and its like a quarter to one, so i crawl in bed (or, actually, i crawl up the ladder into my bed, and pray that i don't fall out.... lol). sometimes i get caught up in listening to the phil hendrie show on 570 AM... wow... that show is weird. its so messed up that i can't even explain it... wow. its a guy who is the host of a talk show-but this is the weird thing. his "call-in guests" are just him, he does all the voices himself!! so he argues with these "characters" about the stupidest things that you can think of, and then ppl call in and yell at his "guests". i just don't get it. and the topics are so weird!!!
anyway. thats enough rambling. i'm getting off now.... :)

nickdaw came back to school today. we had fun in band. me, him, and rachel all sat in the back row and screwed around all period cuz we're the losers w/out clarinets. i don't really have anything much else to say.... i guess i'm done for the day. oh wait yes i do. ali told me that david got my letter and it made him happy. so it was worth it. it was ok that it took me 2 hours and 2 tries to write it. ok now i'm done. my fingers are cold so i'm going to go get them warm somehow.... wish me luck..

so. why do movies have to have sad endings?? there are so many movies that i've watched that i loved, until the end. like, for example, i just watched pay it forward for the first time. i thought it was a great movie. until the end. i felt the same way about sweet november. i liked it a lot, but i wish that i had turned it off 5 minutes before it ended and made up my own ending. lets see.... other sad movie endings. message in a bottle. i can't think of any more right now. but maybe thats because i had to go to school today. and i'm too tired to function. wow. it was nice. really. the only thing good all day long? watching part of shrek in 5th period study hall... lol. wow. i don't know if i could make it thru the day w/out that nice hour and 10 minute long study hall where we watch movies every day.

i changed the pictures in my locker today. how exciting. i decided that i was tired of looking at the same ones that i'd been looking at since the beginning of the school year. anyway.... moving on....

here's the scenario: solo and ensemble is on feb. 1. thats really close. so today mr rodik gives our trio the music. its class B. last year we took a C. and we had more time to prepare. but, it gets worse. rodik gave me the 1st clarinet part, casey 2nd, and leah 3rd. i've never played first on anything like this in my life!! i always play 2nd!! and half the song is in 6/8 time!! 6/8 time is like the devil to me!! oh wait wait one more thing: my clarinet is still broken. its been broken for almost a month. and he hasn't gotten it fixed yet!! i coulda taken it somewhere myself and gotten it done forever ago!!!! grrrrrr!!!!!!!

ok ok i'm done now.. wow this is a really weird rant.... =P

CD of the week: superchick-last one picked


school was cancelled today. but it wasn't even exciting. we've had 2 weeks off from school already. i'm kinda ready to just get back and get it over with. i wonder if ali had school. we were talking about wearing pjs to school, complete w/blankets and slippers. i don't remember why. but it was funny at the time. ok short post, but i don't have anything to talk about.

ali called today. thats happy. i'm so glad that we're talking again. its been so long since we just sat down and talked like we did tonight. even when she called on friday, we mostly just talked about david. but today we just cracked ourselves up. like we used to, back in the day. ;) it was great. i still need to figure out how to do stuff on here. like, for instance, make a link out of a word, or change my template to not be so blue, or figure out how to make it so ppl can comment on my posts... hmmm... lets go play for awhile...

ok i figured out the link part. good. i wanted to say that i was just on david (different david than my friend who tried to kill himself) orr's webpage. he has funky hair right now. of course, for all i know, its been like that for a long time. i haven't seen him for like 4 years. i like it tho. me and leah were just talking about him today. we were discussing how close college of wooster is to us, and that we think we should go visit him. i tried once back in like september, but i someone told me he never got my email, and i think he had a soccer game that day anyway. oh well.. back to more playing to figure out this stuff.... :)

i'd just like to say that i like this so much better than diaryland (what i was using before)

these are a few of my diaryland entries for the last few days. they're really important.

9:20 p.m.

2003-01-02

wow... i just got the shock of a lifetime. i just found out that a friend i used to be pretty close to was admitted to the hospital on monday night for depression. i just sat in shock after i read the email telling me. for as long as i've known him (since jr hi), he's been such a strong guy. i've only seen him falter a few times. he's been the one that i've gone to for help and answers. he's been the one to stand up to me when he disagrees with something i've said or done, and he usually was right. we had a falling out this summer: he said stuff, i probly said stuff, he found some new friends and we just sorta stopped talking. when i wrote a letter to apologize he didn't answer it. this is probly why. but wow!!! i just can't imagine him like that. i'm kinda hurt that i'm just now finding out, too. someone told me early on in the week that he needed prayer, but wouldn't tell me why. then i got an email today. ali said she's been trying to call me but hasn't been able to get ahold of me, and i have been gone a lot this week. i'm just blown away by this!!!!!!!!!!


12:33 p.m.

2003-01-03

oh wow... he tried to kill himself. it wasn't just depression, he was admitted to the hospital because he tried to kill himself. i don't know what to do. i've just been sitting here, staring at the computer screen for the last 20 minutes bawling my eyes out. this shouldn't have to happen, not to him!! not to anyone, but especially not to him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and there's nothing that i can do, besides sit in my house, five hours away from him, and cry. if we were as close as we used to be, i could do more. but after this summer, i can't do anything but freakin sit here and cry


9:03 p.m.

2003-01-04

i mailed him a letter today. ali and i talked for forever long last night, and she kept telling me i should. i was scared. so much stuff has happened (like waaay before this), i was scared. i thought that he hated me. ali told me that he doesn't, he just didn't know what to do. wow.. this is still such a huge shock to me. i can't take it all in yet. i don't think i ever will. but i'm soooooooo glad that ali and i talked!!! we haven't talked like that since the beginning of the summer. i think things are going to be ok (with me and her). i'm just still so shaken up by this. i can't get over it. the only thing worse than this was losing lisa.

ok i feel better now. i was afraid of losing those entries somewhere. :/