blah blah blah.

i worked 3:30-6:30, went and watched MY ali play some powderpuff FB, then went to applebee's for dinner with ali, kelli, ox, doug, shannon, tj, and donny. that was fun. i like those people. they crack me up. i needed cracking up tonight.
ali kelli and ox went to walmart, but i wanted to get back here. so i didn't go to walmart. i got back just as celebration was ending, of course. i missed my first celebration. thats sad. thats the start of the crappy part of my night.
so i get back to my room and theres a note on the door from caryn's friend jami, telling us that she left us brownies. i was like awwww thats nice. but then i get into my room she'd left the brownies wrapped in tin foil ON THE FLOOR!!! so needless to say, there were ants everywhere. millions of tiny little ants. so i spent a good 10 minutes taking care of that.
then i realized that my swelling-ness on my was even bigger than before, so i went on a benadryl hunt. dani, the RA for the other half of my floor, had a lotion/cream kind. so we used that.
so i get back here and reno's still not in his room. i IMed mike to find out if he was there, and he was. reno used mikes screenname for a sec, made fun of me for my crappy night, then hurried off to bed. i know he wasn't trying to be mean, but the mood i was in made the whole thing worse. everything that i'd been holding in for the last 3 months or so just came pouring out, and i just sat here at my computer and bawled my eyes out. i miss heidi. i miss being around people that know me. i miss being able to call heidi when i need to talk-more importantly, when i need to cry. i couldn't stand being in this little room anymore, it was starting to feel clausterphobic. so i went out for a walk. i went out to that little white gazebo, sat down, and just bawled and bawled. after 10 or 15 minutes, i started freezing, so i came back in. i dunno... i seriously think that something is wrong with me. i shouldn't feel the way i do, but i do. i feel crummy almost all the time. and no one can understand that like heidi can. i'm not gonna make it with her so far away. i just can't do it.