friday i lost my work study [or rather, found out i never had it in the first place...], cried a lot, went to classes, hung out and did nothing, played dutch blitz with kim, jessie, and jessie's sister jen, went to starbucks with kelli [yay!], hung out with kelli for awhile, ali came, ali cut my hair [and she did it outside at night and couldn't see well, and now its short and i don't like it, but when do i ever like my hair??], then they left and heather and i watched kung pow [wow... that was a really STUPID movie.... lol] and then i did nothing and then i watched extreme days with jessie and her sister. then i was gonna go to bed, and joe IMed me and told me what not to wear was on, so then i stayed up till 2 to watch that. then i went to bed

today: my mom called at 8:20 to tell me tim's cross country meet started at 9, but i didn't get out of bed. i just listened to her leave the message and then went back to sleep. then i woke up at 10 when heather's alarm went off, and realized that i'd SLEPT IN, cuz i didn't set my alarm last night. so i threw on some clothes and went out to where the CC meet was, to find out that not only had i missed division III boys running, leetonia had already left. :( :( :( :( i'd been talking about this meet and how excited i was to see my little brother for a few weeks. i told like everyone. and then i missed it. :( i ate lunch with brit, her brother, and a friend of his, then i came back here. i was going to start my paper, but i never did. ali came over around 4:45 or so, and we played diddy kong until like 5:20, and then left for kelli's. kelli's mommy made us steak and potatoes for dinner.... oh it was yummy. mmmmmmmmmmmm. :) then they brought me back here and i did nothing. i was so extremely bored. then heather and i headed over to heritage to hang out with her friend brett. we watched dumb and dumber and i crocheted. and talked to ermine for a bit. then i went to sheetz with heather, brett, reno, and dinky [??? i don't know... i think thats what he said, lol]. it was a good time. :)

now i'm gonna go shower, then get to bed. i'm going to first mennonite again with KT. kim and lydia are coming with us. lyle is going too, and maybe roger. :)

on the way back from that, they were flipping through songs on a cd, and 'only one' came on. i couldn't exactly be like "no we can't listen to this song". so i sat through it, and just looked out the window so no one could see that i was trying my hardest [and pretty much failing] not to cry. will i ever be better? every time i think i'm ok, i hear a song or something, and i crash down again. i wish that i was stronger. but i'm not. i'm weak, and i don't know how to deal with things on my own. i guess i'll learn tho...