things are getting better.
i'm at kelli's house w/my heidi!!! i somehow forgot how much i love those two. i can totally be myself with them, and they don't care!! they love me anyway. we went to starbucks earlier and it was great. we just sat there in comfy chairs and talked about stuff. i'm so excited about going to malone next year and being so close to kelli. i'm glad. i'm excited about being near brian too, but i like having a close gal friend so near.
the three of us decided that we need to start sending care packages again. we used to do it all the time awhile back, we'd just send random things to each other, and they're so much fun to get and to make for each other. i love this, i love being here. i don't want to go back home to all that crap. i'm just gonna stay here w/heidi and kelli forever. :)
Saturday, March 29, 2003
Thursday, March 27, 2003
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHY IS SHE DOING THIS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
WHY IS SHE DOING THIS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Wednesday, March 26, 2003
i'm sitting here bawling. i hate this, and i hate myself. its hard to keep up a front and pretend that i don't care when inside i feel like crawling in a hole and never coming out. sometimes i think i would rather be screamed at than ignored. but oh well. i emailed her and basically said goodbye. i guess this is the end cuz she doesn't seem to want anything to do with me ever again. guess tracey'll be getting lots of exercise walking to school every day until i can afford esenwein's car... (shouldn't be too long, another month and a half at most!)
i have to work tonight... ugh... i don't want to. but the money will be nice.
i went to the new wal-mart for the first time last night. after play practice i needed to go to the salem library and dennis hollisky didn't have anything to do, so he took me. they wouldn't let me get a card cuz i wasn't 18 (grrrrrr i was pissed). so we decided to go to wal-mart cuz neither of us had before. it's freaking huge!!! it was fun. i got home in time to watch american idol. i, of course, voted for clay afterwards!! lol
off to band now... i hate band...
i went to the new wal-mart for the first time last night. after play practice i needed to go to the salem library and dennis hollisky didn't have anything to do, so he took me. they wouldn't let me get a card cuz i wasn't 18 (grrrrrr i was pissed). so we decided to go to wal-mart cuz neither of us had before. it's freaking huge!!! it was fun. i got home in time to watch american idol. i, of course, voted for clay afterwards!! lol
off to band now... i hate band...
Tuesday, March 25, 2003
she's pretty much doing exactly what leah did to me. just thought i'd share that. i've asked everyone i can think to ask here at school, and no one knows what i did. as far as i can tell, she's mad at me because she heard me telling mike tkach that i wasn't sure that she liked me anymore. riight... this just really bothers me. at least we're all almost graduated. i don't have to worry about it ever again. kinda depressing, but hey. i'm used to it. she's just the next in a long line of friends who have screwed me over. i'll be just fine. i just won't let anyone get close to me and then i don't have to worry about it anymore.
Sunday, March 23, 2003
Saturday, March 22, 2003
i just came across a website with some cool pictures on it.
lynne... wow... i really want to know what i did. i think i would rather have her yelling at me than this silence. i don't like it at all.
lynne... wow... i really want to know what i did. i think i would rather have her yelling at me than this silence. i don't like it at all.
Friday, March 21, 2003
english class... yup. we're watching FOX NEWS live... kinda freaks me out. i mean g's.. we're actually watching our troops drop bombs on bagdad....
we had to type up our poems for our poetry book. i only actually like one of the poems that i put in...
The Battle with Anorexia, Beowulf-Style
Out of the magazines, from the sunny lands
Of Hollywood to the upper-class areas of New York,
Bearing little clothing and small waists,
Anorexia came, trapping girls into thinking that’s how they were to look.
The magazines traveled quickly throughout the country,
Going from home to home and store to store.
They knew the way; they’d been there before.
They crept into bedrooms where girls looked and looked,
Dreaming about looking just like the models they saw.
Pretty soon the dream became an obsession, a battle of sorts,
A fight that once started is hard to overcome.
Anorexia won, time after time, girl after girl.
But one night, it was different.
A counselor, working late in her office,
Got a call from a frantic parent begging for help,
For her daughter was being beaten by this monster.
The counselor came at once to do battle with Anorexia,
Bringing with her no weapons.
The night was a long one,
The counselor and Anorexia battled for many hours,
And played tug-of-war for the girl.
Anorexia was not easily defeated, for it made the girl feel in control.
The girl thought herself unwanted without it,
And was not willing to give it up.
Yet still the counselor fought.
Anorexia started to grow weak as the girl realized
That what the counselor was telling her was true,
That she was beautiful the way she was,
And she could live without this horrible monster
Clinging to her everywhere she went.
Anorexia was outraged when it saw this,
But it was too tired to fight back.
The counselor forced it to run
And lick its wounds somewhere far away.
The girl went to the hospital,
Helped by the counselor’s braveness.
And when the girl returned home again,
The counselor hung on the wall two pictures,
One of the girl and Anorexia,
And a beautiful, victorious picture of the girl without Anorexia.
i wrote that for an english assignment. we had to rewrite a section of Beowulf and make it about something different. i rewrote the battle of Beowulf and Grendel as if it were anorexia and a counselor... blah blah blah.
i have to work 4-close tonight. yuck. i think i close with danny. that's usually alright. i don't know who else works. if jordan does he'll probly just yell at me for some crap that i said last night. (btw jordan if you read this: i'm ok. don't worry about me!!!)
7 days till i see my heidi.... that makes everything better.... :)
i'm off to shop on e-bay w/kara...
we had to type up our poems for our poetry book. i only actually like one of the poems that i put in...
The Battle with Anorexia, Beowulf-Style
Out of the magazines, from the sunny lands
Of Hollywood to the upper-class areas of New York,
Bearing little clothing and small waists,
Anorexia came, trapping girls into thinking that’s how they were to look.
The magazines traveled quickly throughout the country,
Going from home to home and store to store.
They knew the way; they’d been there before.
They crept into bedrooms where girls looked and looked,
Dreaming about looking just like the models they saw.
Pretty soon the dream became an obsession, a battle of sorts,
A fight that once started is hard to overcome.
Anorexia won, time after time, girl after girl.
But one night, it was different.
A counselor, working late in her office,
Got a call from a frantic parent begging for help,
For her daughter was being beaten by this monster.
The counselor came at once to do battle with Anorexia,
Bringing with her no weapons.
The night was a long one,
The counselor and Anorexia battled for many hours,
And played tug-of-war for the girl.
Anorexia was not easily defeated, for it made the girl feel in control.
The girl thought herself unwanted without it,
And was not willing to give it up.
Yet still the counselor fought.
Anorexia started to grow weak as the girl realized
That what the counselor was telling her was true,
That she was beautiful the way she was,
And she could live without this horrible monster
Clinging to her everywhere she went.
Anorexia was outraged when it saw this,
But it was too tired to fight back.
The counselor forced it to run
And lick its wounds somewhere far away.
The girl went to the hospital,
Helped by the counselor’s braveness.
And when the girl returned home again,
The counselor hung on the wall two pictures,
One of the girl and Anorexia,
And a beautiful, victorious picture of the girl without Anorexia.
i wrote that for an english assignment. we had to rewrite a section of Beowulf and make it about something different. i rewrote the battle of Beowulf and Grendel as if it were anorexia and a counselor... blah blah blah.
i have to work 4-close tonight. yuck. i think i close with danny. that's usually alright. i don't know who else works. if jordan does he'll probly just yell at me for some crap that i said last night. (btw jordan if you read this: i'm ok. don't worry about me!!!)
7 days till i see my heidi.... that makes everything better.... :)
i'm off to shop on e-bay w/kara...
Sunday, March 16, 2003
tickets to the skillet concert: $10
gas for the hour and a half drive: $20
shirt at the concert: $20
an evening spent with your old best friend: priceless
i told kyle to tell leah to call me when she got home from work today. i hadn't even thought about asking her till today, which is dumb cuz she loves skillet too. and since lynne doesn't like me anym... i mean since lynne decided not to go... kim forgot to bring her money, so i'm gonna tell her by tuesday cuz thats the latest i'll wait to mail it. all well. lee-uh is going for sure, so thats fun.
i'm glad that she and i are still friends. we were best friends from like 2nd grade until the summer after either our freshman or sophomore year (thats awful that i can't remember...), when we got into a HUGE fight when our youth group was on a missions trip in toronto. we didn't talk for almost a year. things will never be the same, we'll never be like we used to be. but we'll always be friends. thats what matters. she's still a really important person in my life, and always will be. i love my lee-uh :)
i'm gonna go find something fun to do now... maybe i'll play a fun popcap game since i can't go on homestarrunner anymore :(
gas for the hour and a half drive: $20
shirt at the concert: $20
an evening spent with your old best friend: priceless
i told kyle to tell leah to call me when she got home from work today. i hadn't even thought about asking her till today, which is dumb cuz she loves skillet too. and since lynne doesn't like me anym... i mean since lynne decided not to go... kim forgot to bring her money, so i'm gonna tell her by tuesday cuz thats the latest i'll wait to mail it. all well. lee-uh is going for sure, so thats fun.
i'm glad that she and i are still friends. we were best friends from like 2nd grade until the summer after either our freshman or sophomore year (thats awful that i can't remember...), when we got into a HUGE fight when our youth group was on a missions trip in toronto. we didn't talk for almost a year. things will never be the same, we'll never be like we used to be. but we'll always be friends. thats what matters. she's still a really important person in my life, and always will be. i love my lee-uh :)
i'm gonna go find something fun to do now... maybe i'll play a fun popcap game since i can't go on homestarrunner anymore :(
Saturday, March 15, 2003
no more band contests. ever. thats exciting. :) rodik was a jerk yesterday, as usual. i get motion sickness really easy, i always have. i ate lunch just a little bit before we left for contest, and its a 20-minute very twisty turny drive. needless to say that when we got to United HS all i wanted to do was sit still for a little bit. so i sat in a desk w/my head on my case. he yelled at me, told me to put my clarinet together. i freaking shoulda barfed all over him. it wouldn't have mattered if i had tried to tell him that i was still a little (a lot) queasy, he would have yelled at me more. he's such a jerk!!!!!!!!!!! but it doesn't matter. i graduate in two months, and then i never have to be polite to him again. i'm seriously considering telling him off after i graduate. i won't tho. cuz i'm better than that. i hope anyway, lol....
i work 4-close tonight. i don't know who i close with. i know jordan works 5-9 or 10, so thats cool. he's the only person there that i can get along with all of the time. i can get along with most people most of the time. and kory manly, not at all... but all well, its not my fault he's a dork.
i'm gonna go read FOTR some more.... (i really have no life.... lol)
i work 4-close tonight. i don't know who i close with. i know jordan works 5-9 or 10, so thats cool. he's the only person there that i can get along with all of the time. i can get along with most people most of the time. and kory manly, not at all... but all well, its not my fault he's a dork.
i'm gonna go read FOTR some more.... (i really have no life.... lol)
Thursday, March 13, 2003
i never post on here anymore.. not much change in emily. she did respond a little when her family was in her room one day (i think she coughed or something? i dunno).
band contest is tomorrow. i can't wait... FOR IT TO BE OVER!!!!! i can't believe i used to be a "band geek." i absolutely hate band. i hate going there every day. i hate it. and i've caught him staring at me. I HATE HIM!!!!!!! sometimes i can't wait to go to college and get the heck outta here.
i don't think i ever said anything in here about what i heard a few weeks ago. sara robb liked (likes? who knows) david. so she asked him out. he said no (and get this) cuz he was thinking about trying to get back together with me.... hmmm... nice of him to tell her that. isn't that nice?? DOESN'T THAT FREAKING PISS YOU OFF??? maybe not, but it sure does me. she told kim not to tell me. i'm glad kim did. i freaking hate him. i shouldn't, i know, but i do. i mean he practically stalked me for pete's sake!! every time i turned around he was there, asking me if i would change my mind and go back out with him. i actually had all intentions of being friends with him after i broke up with him. I WISH I HAD NEVER EVEN DATED HIM!!!!!! if i hadn't, i could say that i was single almost all the way thru HS. but he broke my record... dork
i almost hope he reads this. then maybe he'll get a life. i feel sorry for any girl who thinks that she likes him. but it doesn't matter. if he can't get one girl, he'll just go on to the next, and then to the next, and then maybe back to the first one, and then to a different one, then back to the 2nd or 3rd one... its a never ending cycle that i'm freaking glad i'm not a part of. ok i really need to stop being so mean. this is just stuff that i've wanted to say for a long time and held it in. but this is my journal, so i guess i can say whatever i want. ok i'm done...
i'm off to find something more interesting to do.... :)
band contest is tomorrow. i can't wait... FOR IT TO BE OVER!!!!! i can't believe i used to be a "band geek." i absolutely hate band. i hate going there every day. i hate it. and i've caught him staring at me. I HATE HIM!!!!!!! sometimes i can't wait to go to college and get the heck outta here.
i don't think i ever said anything in here about what i heard a few weeks ago. sara robb liked (likes? who knows) david. so she asked him out. he said no (and get this) cuz he was thinking about trying to get back together with me.... hmmm... nice of him to tell her that. isn't that nice?? DOESN'T THAT FREAKING PISS YOU OFF??? maybe not, but it sure does me. she told kim not to tell me. i'm glad kim did. i freaking hate him. i shouldn't, i know, but i do. i mean he practically stalked me for pete's sake!! every time i turned around he was there, asking me if i would change my mind and go back out with him. i actually had all intentions of being friends with him after i broke up with him. I WISH I HAD NEVER EVEN DATED HIM!!!!!! if i hadn't, i could say that i was single almost all the way thru HS. but he broke my record... dork
i almost hope he reads this. then maybe he'll get a life. i feel sorry for any girl who thinks that she likes him. but it doesn't matter. if he can't get one girl, he'll just go on to the next, and then to the next, and then maybe back to the first one, and then to a different one, then back to the 2nd or 3rd one... its a never ending cycle that i'm freaking glad i'm not a part of. ok i really need to stop being so mean. this is just stuff that i've wanted to say for a long time and held it in. but this is my journal, so i guess i can say whatever i want. ok i'm done...
i'm off to find something more interesting to do.... :)
Sunday, March 09, 2003
ok.. my sis.. she was in a car accident friday night. here i just IMed the story to ali monnot, i'll just copy and paste it into here...
relientkbandgeek: there's this 5th grader at my school, emily ayers. she's an only child, and for some reason she picked me to be her "big sister figure". she's so fun. she walks with me in the hallways and holds my hand, and she always gives me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. she was in a car accident friday night. her aunt and uncle died, and she was life-flighted to akron. she's in a coma right now. she has some brain activity, but they don't know anything about whether or not she'll wake up, or if she does, how much (if any) brain damage there is
she's such a fun girl!! i'm seriously so depressed about this. this shouldn't be happening. its like losing lisa all over again. i mean its totally different, but sort of the same... if that makes sense.... patrick didn't help any, thats for sure. i told him about it at work last night, and he was a total jerk about it, telling me that "crap happens and we have to just deal with it." i really wanted to punch him. i'm sad.
relientkbandgeek: there's this 5th grader at my school, emily ayers. she's an only child, and for some reason she picked me to be her "big sister figure". she's so fun. she walks with me in the hallways and holds my hand, and she always gives me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. she was in a car accident friday night. her aunt and uncle died, and she was life-flighted to akron. she's in a coma right now. she has some brain activity, but they don't know anything about whether or not she'll wake up, or if she does, how much (if any) brain damage there is
she's such a fun girl!! i'm seriously so depressed about this. this shouldn't be happening. its like losing lisa all over again. i mean its totally different, but sort of the same... if that makes sense.... patrick didn't help any, thats for sure. i told him about it at work last night, and he was a total jerk about it, telling me that "crap happens and we have to just deal with it." i really wanted to punch him. i'm sad.
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tracey yoder
from this day forward your Wu-Tang Clan name will be:
Visual
Scholar
Saturday, March 08, 2003
i posted this yesterday and forgot to publish it. so its a day late. now i'm off to find more quizzes to occupy my time...
today i'm just filling out five million quizzes. my girl was in an accident. i'm sad. more later when i feel like it.
today i'm just filling out five million quizzes. my girl was in an accident. i'm sad. more later when i feel like it.
 Click to find out what tobyMac song you are!
 click to find out what random object YOU are!  Which one of Sarah's boyfriends are you perfect for? this one makes me happy :-D  Even Superman once worked in a team Take the Cartoon Hero Quiz?. Friday, March 07, 2003
http://strwblondie.diaryland.com/020813_18.html i don't want to lose that link so i put it in here :-D
nathan makes me sad. relientkbandgeek: hey whats up? Auto response from xAmericasNeedx: smoking xAmericasNeedx: nothin Auto response from relientkbandgeek: nathan's smoking and heidi's signing up for the ACT.... i have no one to talk to temporarily. ho hum.... xAmericasNeedx: whats up with you relientkbandgeek: yay someone to talk to!! lol relientkbandgeek: nothing i live a very boring life, as usual xAmericasNeedx: yay i was in someone elses away message relientkbandgeek: lol :-) xAmericasNeedx: same here xAmericasNeedx: i havent slept in 2 days relientkbandgeek: why not??? xAmericasNeedx: im going crazy relientkbandgeek: you need sleep! xAmericasNeedx: because i dont want to xAmericasNeedx: you never miss anything when youre awake constantly xAmericasNeedx: did you know they show old episodes of batman from 4 - 5 am relientkbandgeek: but your body needs sleep?? its great to talk to him again, i really missed him a lot these last couple months (lol just ask tkach, we talked about it a lot.) i also came to a kinda weird relevation about him in one of me and mike's talks. don't wanna get into it here right now, but wow... Thursday, March 06, 2003Monday, March 03, 2003 |
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