I sound like a broken record whenever I post on here. but I reeeeally wish that I had kept up with blogging/journaling over the last 5 or 6 years. my entire life is chronicled in journals and blogs from like elementary school until about the middle of college, and then I kinda quit. and I always say I'm going to do it again and I never do, so...

I wish I hadn't seen the comment of the person who posted on my last post just now. great encouragement and very much appreciated! :) I really shouldn't only post on here when I'm unhappy. truth is, most of the time I do have a lot of really great friends. I still don't have a best friend, which does hurt at times, but I've made it this long.

I just got distracted by blogs for like an hour at work. very productive. someday I'm going to have a salaried job and not be able to mess around as much, and I won't know what to do with myself! I can get distracted by pinterest for literally HOURS!

I just finished completely re-reading this. It was kinda fantastic, haha. I've lost touch with more friends than I've kept in touch with, but... life happens!

I feel like I randomly come back to this when I'm not feeling happy. I think it's because it's a safe place that no one reads, and it's been around for so long. It's seen many-a-vent... haha.

I feel like I'm too old to unleash my feelings onto the internet like I used to. I don't know. I just am not happy. I have moments where I'm fine, and things are great, but then I have moments like now, where I hate that I'm 25 years old, barely making enough money to get by, and feeling like I don't fit in with most of my friends. I guess the whole friends thing has been a constant in my life. I just feel like I'm generally on the fringe of friends, and sometimes I make it into the thick of things and am feeling good, but it's not long before I feel like I'm back on the edge just kinda observing everything. This is just not how I planned my life to be. I can hardly even handle reading older posts in this blog, because I see how far I am now from where I was then, and I don't necessarily think that it's a good thing. This is going to sound totally lame and like I'm in junior high, but I just freaking need a best friend. Everyone's supposed to have one, but I haven't for a good 4 or 5 years now. I'm not saying that would fix all of the problems in my life, but it would be really good to have someone to talk about things like this instead of internalizing them or randomly crying in front of my friends so they all think I'm bonkers. Especially since that's the basic gist I got from a conversation with a friend (that people don't know what to do when I cry, so they just ignore me). So that's encouraging... haha.

Anyway. I don't know why I typed all of this. I'm going to go watch Little Women or some other comfort movie, because it'll make me feel better. :)

i like lifehouse. sometimes i don't listen to them for awhile, and then i do, and i like them a lot.
i'm working from home this morning. but i'm waiting till like 10:30 to start making phone calls, because people sleep and are cranky when they're woken up/don't answer the phone. i'm going into the office later though.
sometimes i like my job. sometimes i don't. i've been working more, which means making more money, which is good.
i don't have anything really to say this morning. i'm done.

the new brave saint saturn cd? absolutely AMAZING!!! the 5 year wait was well worth it (although I would have welcomed it much sooner, haha). it's such a good end to the story. I love it. allllso, I got my cd a week late, and I wasn't mad or anything, but some people were causing a stink about it, so Reese Roper wrote notes on the invoice. I about fell over when I opened my package and there was a hand-written note from Reese Roper!!

allllso also, I finally got to watch the season premiere of Heroes today. HOLY CRAP! I love that show a whole whole lot. I don't have anyone to discuss it with, though! so much happened in that episode, especially at the very end. I almost fell out of my chair, I was so shocked!

and finally, I saw the movie 'Lars and the Real Girl' today. it was fantastic! I had no idea that was such a good movie! it was touching, and just a real darn good movie.

that's all for now, I need to shower and get to beddd!

still no brave saint cd. I'm a little sad about that, I won't lie. but I'm sure it'll come sometime next week.

I'm going home after job 1 tomorrow! (job 1 is PCS, job 2 is chick-fil-a). I'm excited about that. I'm going to a football game with high school friends. it's going to be a good time! :-)

I still have to pack, however. so I should probably get on that. I'm hoping that while I'm packing, I'll magically find my glasses, because they've been lost for like 2 weeks now, and that makes me all kinds of sad!

i love Caedmon's Call. a lot. just thought i'd share.

also, THE NEW BRAVE SAINT SATURN CD COMES OUT TODAY!!!
i hope i get it in the mail soon! seriously, i've been waiting 5 and a half years for this day! yayyyy!